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Makin' Friends 8/19/2004
I just can't seem to make friends, no matter how hard
I try and be myself nothings working. I mean what, do I smell?
Even if I did it's not like anyone over the internet
can smell it. Unless they have come out with a smell cam that
I don't know about. Well what ever it is I hope It changes
soon cause I can only luagh at myself for so long before it
just gets sad.
1 Comments, 178 Views,
26 Votes
,0.22 Score
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God is left handed! 8/14/2004
A little boy and his mother were sitting outside one summer
day. Both of them were gazing up at the enormous clouds in
the blue sky. "That one looks like an elephant, "
the mother exclaimed as she pointed it out. "wow,
I see, " said the boy. His mother replied "you
see this sky and these clouds, God made them all."
"yes, " the boy replied, "and He did it
all left handed!" His mother ...
0 Comments, 217 Views,
36 Votes
,6.26 Score
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Jesus and The Robber. 8/9/2004
One night a robber broke into a home and heard a voice say,
''Jesus is watching you!''while he
rumagged through the desk. He replied, ''Who
said that?!'' Once again he heard the same thing,
''Jesus is watching you!''
The robber looked around the room only to see a parrot. He
asked the parrot what its name was. The parrot replied,
''Cornelius.'' The robber said, ''What
kind of a name is ...
0 Comments, 731 Views,
215 Votes
,6.52 Score
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Dont make me Bible Belt You! 8/9/2004
A young boy had just gotten his driving permit. He asked
his father, who was a minister, if they could discuss his
use of the car.
"I'll make a deal with you, " said his father.
"You bring your grades up, study your Bible a little,
get your hair cut, and then we'll talk."
<br>
A month later the boy came back and again asked his father
if they could discuss his use of the car. ...
0 Comments, 218 Views,
81 Votes
,7.79 Score
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Devil In The Church. 8/9/2004
Devil In The Church
<br>
One Sunday morning, everyone in one bright, beautiful,
tiny town got up early and went to the local church.
Before the services started, the townspeople were sitting
in their pews and talking about their lives, their families,
etc. Suddenly, Satan appeared at the front of the church.
Everyone started screaming and running for the front entrance, ...
0 Comments, 491 Views,
260 Votes
,6.38 Score
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in Church...These are really cute! 7/27/2004
IN CHURCH
3-year-old, Reese:
"Our Father, Who does art in
heaven, Harold is His name.
Amen."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A little boy was overheard praying:
"Lord, if you can't make me a better boy, don't
worry about it.
I'm having a real good time like I am."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A. Sunday school class was studying the Ten Commandments.
They were ...
0 Comments, 155 Views,
77 Votes
,8.85 Score
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You know you're in a redneck church when... 7/27/2004
No offence to any one, I just thought this was really cute.
<br>
You Know You Are in a Redneck Church When...
<br>
-People wonder, when Jesus fed 5000, whether the two fish
were bass or catfish.
-People grumble about Noah letting armadillos on the ark.
-The pastor wears boots.
-The preacher says, "I'd like to ask Bubba to
help take up the offering, " and five ...
0 Comments, 238 Views,
73 Votes
,6.44 Score
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Concrete Foundation? 7/11/2004
After being single for numerous years, I found myself in
awe of others with fantastic relationship. In fact, one
of my good friends had, what I felt, was the perfect relationship
- build on a solid foundation, with a great guy.
<br>
After many weeks of listening to her glowing stories about
"her man, " I finally asked her - "How
can I find a man like that?"
<br>
...
0 Comments, 125 Views,
112 Votes
,8.56 Score
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Fresh New Ways To Meet New People 6/2/2004
Stage a multicar accident scene, which will allow you to
get names and of people whom you might not
have met, before.
<br>
Fake losing a contact in a busy public place.
<br>
If you have a dog, train it to run into attractive strangers.
After all, it worked in "101 Dalmatians".
<br>
On a crowded bus or train, shout "Would anyone here
like to be the ...
0 Comments, 128 Views,
122 Votes
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Mother-in_low 5/15/2004
Two women came before wise King Solomon, dragging between
them a young man
in a three-piece suit.
<br>
"This young lawyer agreed to marry my , "
said one.
<br>
"No! He agreed to marry MY , " said
the other.
<br>
And so they haggled before the King until he called for silence.
<br>
"Bring me my biggest sword, " said Solomon,
"and I shall hew ...
0 Comments, 154 Views,
169 Votes
,1.16 Score
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Letter to the wrong wife 5/4/2004
A couple from Minneapolis decided to go to Florida for a
long weekend to thaw out during one particularly icy winter.
They planned to stay at the very same hotel where they spent
their honeymoon 20 years ago. Because both
had jobs, they found it difficult coordinating their travel
schedules. It was decided that the husband would fly to
Florida on a Thursday, and his wife would follow him ...
0 Comments, 389 Views,
345 Votes
,8.62 Score
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Sabrina618 you're not the only one 5/2/2004
Hi Sabrina if you're still there, I just want to let
you know you're not the only one. It seems I am in the
same predicament. I have absolutely no idea why I can't
get a girlfriend, and even some of the strangest guys around,
that I see do. I see couples everywhere (here in Holland),
singles are no where to be seen or are uninterested.
I also look after myself, I'm not ugly, I don't ...
1 Comments, 199 Views,
91 Votes
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If you though that was a bad experience... 5/1/2004
Did it involve any of these?:
was it a smelly one?
was a beerbottle opened with their tooth?
did they keep getting calls on their cell...that never
rang???
did you get a bouquet of plants ripped from the outside couryard?
did you end up babysitting the they brought along,
while they were somewhere else?
you already know all their exspouses names, ages, favorite
color and even ...
0 Comments, 189 Views,
84 Votes
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the blame game 5/1/2004
God blamed Adam, Adam blamed Eve, Eve blamed the Serpent,
and the Serpent didn't have a leg to stand on.
0 Comments, 189 Views,
67 Votes
,1.23 Score
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Comparison Shopping 3/26/2004
Mrs. White goes to the butcher shop to buy a chicken for the
Sunday meal. The butcher has only one scrawny chicken left.
He puts it on the scale.
"Three pounds, " he says.
"That's too scrawny... I'll never feed
everyone with that, said Mrs. White, "Don't
you have something bigger?"
The butcher pretends to rummage around, and then puts the
exact same ...
0 Comments, 312 Views,
99 Votes
,3.39 Score
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Not the Best Seat in the House 3/26/2004
A man lay sprawled across three entire seats in the posh
theater. When the usher came by and noticed this, he whispered
to the man, "Sorry, sir, but you're only allowed
one seat."
The man groaned but didn't budge. The usher became
impatient.
"Sir, if you don't get up from there I'm going
to have to call the manager."
Again, the man just ...
0 Comments, 517 Views,
235 Votes
,3.60 Score
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Quality, not Quantity 3/26/2004
A pastor and a taxi driver both died and went to heaven. St.
Peter was at the Pearly gates waiting for them.
"Come with me, " said St. Peter to the taxi driver.
The taxi driver did as he was told and followed St. Peter
to a mansion, complete with servents, a bowling alley, a
nd an Olympic size swimming pool. "This is your home
for eternity, " St. Peter told the taxi ...
0 Comments, 1009 Views,
351 Votes
,6.81 Score
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Unholy Bargains 3/26/2004
A golfer is in a competitive match with a friend, who is ahead
by a couple of strokes. The golfer says to himself, "I'd
give anything to sink this next putt."
A stranger walks up to him and whispers, "Would you
give up a fourth of your sex life?"
The golfer thinks the man is crazy and that his answer will
be meaningless but also that perhaps this is a good omen ...
0 Comments, 789 Views,
298 Votes
,3.83 Score
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Fear the Word! 3/26/2004
An elderly woman had just returned to her home from an evening
of religious service when she was startled by an intruder.
As she caught the man in the act of robbing her home of its
valuables, she yelled, "Stop! Acts 2:38!"
<br>
<br>
The burglar stopped dead in his tracks. Then the woman calmly
called the police and explained what she had done.
As the ...
1 Comments, 627 Views,
181 Votes
,6.98 Score
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A WOMAN'S (REAL) PRAYER: 3/24/2004
Now I lay me
Down to sleep.
I pray the Lord
My shape to keep.
Please no wrinkles
Please no bags
And please lift my butt
Before it sags.
Please no age spots
Please no gray
And as for my belly,
Please take it away.
Please keep me healthy
Please keep me young,
And thank you Dear Lord
For all that you've done.
<br>
<br>
Five tips for a ...
1 Comments, 292 Views,
168 Votes
,7.42 Score
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Just a Little Touch-Up 3/17/2004
A middle-aged woman had a heart attack and was taken to the
hospital. While on the operating table she had a near death
experience.
<br>
Seeing God she asked, "Is my time up?"
<br>
God said, "No you have another 43 years, 2 months and
8 days to live."
<br>
Upon hearing this, the woman decided to stay in the hospital
and have a face lift, liposuction , and a ...
1 Comments, 514 Views,
149 Votes
,6.83 Score
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From the Mouth of Babes... 3/17/2004
The following statements about the Bible were written
by and have not been retouched or corrected (ie.
bad spelling has been left in):
<br>
'In the first book of the Bible, Guinessis, God got
tired of creating the world, so he took the Sabbath off.'
<br>
'Adam and Eve were created from an apple tree.'
<br>
'Noah's wife was called Joan of Ark.'
<br>
...
1 Comments, 895 Views,
235 Votes
,6.96 Score
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Sweet Charity 3/17/2004
One Sunday a pastor told the congregation that the church
needed some extra money and asked the people to prayerfully
consider giving a little extra in the offering plate.
<br>
<br>
He said that whoever gave the most would be able to pick out
three hymns.
<br>
<br>
After the offering plates were passed, the pastor glanced
down and noticed that ...
0 Comments, 1425 Views,
512 Votes
,5.87 Score
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Top Ten Things Overheard on Noah's Ark 2/20/2004
10. Strange! We haven't seen another boat for weeks.
9. If only I'd brought along more rhino litter!
8. How many times around this place makes a mile?
7. I never want to sleep in a waterbed again.
6. I wonder what my friends are doing right now.
5. An outboard motor would have made this more exciting!
4. Fish for supper--again?
3. Does anyone have more Dramamine?
2. What? You don't ...
0 Comments, 83 Views,
91 Votes
,3.77 Score
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It's All Relative... 2/20/2004
A man: God, how much is a million dollars to you?
God: It is but a penny.
A man: God, how long is a million years to you?
God: It is but a second.
A man: God, could you please give me a penny?
God: Sure, just a second.
0 Comments, 73 Views,
77 Votes
,5.76 Score
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Now That's One Tough Sermon... 2/20/2004
A young lad was vising a church for the first time, checking
all the announcements and posters along the walls. When
he came to a group of pictures of men in uniform, he asked
a nearby usher, "Who are all those men in the pictures?"
The usher replied, "Why, those are our boys who died
in the service." Dumbfounded, the youngster asked,
"Was that the morning service or evening service?"
0 Comments, 85 Views,
96 Votes
,5.62 Score
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WHEN SHE TOOK OFF WITH WHAT SHE ADMIRED; 10/26/2003
Sometimes married couples can really be on opposite extreams
;for this couple, things were not working, the husband
had been retrenched, from employment, tho they were
devoted christians, the Man could not face the reality
of it;He quit the church, even after the pastor tried to
help;He started drinking heavily.This day he drank too
much;and with anger, of feeling that his life has come ...
0 Comments, 59 Views,
92 Votes
,3.42 Score
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