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god's servant's blog

this used to be god's garage

Posted:Sep 16, 2017 1:44 pm
Last Updated:Sep 18, 2017 1:07 pm

saturday, a fun day...not so much lately.

i usually go to a morning AA meeting at the club, and play spades afterwards, then I try to see if the grandson is around to play a while. he wasn't today, he went to geneva to see the other family. i usually find someplace outside to have lunch, today (as with most saturdays) it was a combo at romas', on the bench outside.

i read a chapter or so in don winslow's the death and live of bobby Z, and enjoyed it pretty much. that is about it today, i am home and the TV is on (again). i remember that i used to think of grandma hanging around all day watching tv. i am no better lately. i guess i have my roku, and that offers a few more choices...and my cable and dvr, offerering even more...but it is still the same old crap.

i have been trying to write lately...i figure that it is a better way to waste away my days than just sitting in front of the tube(s). but i am limited by what i can think of to write down. it helps to do ANYTHING a little more productive, but i am not fooling anyone, i am totally bored. i joke a lot in chat saying that i am retarded, and then suddenly replacing it with retired, saying i get confused because they are so much the same. retardedment stinks.

there just HAS to be more to life than this. please god, fill my emptiness with some kind of purpose. tomorrow is church and laundry day.
Posted:Sep 14, 2017 7:03 am
Last Updated:Sep 21, 2017 9:5 am

i see the devastion and am sickened.

i have been down to the keys, and to florida several times and i always felt it kind of vulnerable. as if it was just too nice out and too near the mighty ocean, as if it was just asking for something bad to happen.

i will take a pass on saying that it was something that god did out of anger. is bad things that happen always the result of an angry god?

i think there has been more show of a merciful god through this recent disaster. he showed his face in texas too, people helping each other and finding a way to survive together. it is still too early to hear stories in florida yet.

i don't think god is necessarily smiting people, although, i believe he is in charge. i think it is more that god is also having to deal with the forces of nature that he has put into motion.

i am not going to start a discussion on sin and free will and all that crap. i will only say that there is much of this world that doesn't please god and to join the naysayers and blame all bad things that happen here on god is to oversimplify things. bad crap happens sometimes. it is not god doing it, it is god helping us through.

i see the devastion and am sickened.
exercise 4
Posted:Sep 10, 2017 7:41 pm
Last Updated:Sep 16, 2017 11:42 am

dear god,

i KNOW that you are listening, but i do not always think that you are. sometimes i don't even listen to myself. a lot of my prayers trail off and go nowhere. i do not think of you that way, i KNOW you have a direction in mind.

lord, bless me and my family, and please help me to bless others, instead of always thinking about myself. lord, i KNOW you have blessed me WAY beyond that which i deserve, even though sometimes i get lost in my own problems. it is very easy to just look at the things i would like to change, and lose track of the things you would like me to change.

help me lord to always think of your will for my life before i think of my OWN will. forgive me. help me lord to think of you always.
Posted:Sep 9, 2017 2:05 pm
Last Updated:Sep 13, 2017 7:04 pm
I don't think it is an accident that snark sounds SO much like shark, I do NOT want any shark meat in my tuna. NO thank you
angry angry athiests
Posted:Sep 3, 2017 4:38 pm
Last Updated:Sep 21, 2017 9:5 am
i have been spending some time at a chat room that is called RELIGION. i think it should be called "people who hate god" instead. i originally fought with the people there, and "stood up" for god, but i have calmed down and try not to fight anymore. however, the people there that hate god, don't do it quietly...i seems like the people there that hate god do NOT want to deal with god at all. they are much more than just athiests, it seems that they have a need to actively deny god, and to hate on anyone that LOVES god.

i know that jesus called people to tell others about him, that is the great commission. it seems to me that athiests also have a great commission, it is thier NEED to deny god, and to deny that god even exists, to anyone that says otherwise. i have heard names like "sky daddy" and "spaghetti monster" a lot. as if such names somehow intimidate me and my faith. i don't care WHAT you feel you need to call god, i think that you need to call him ANYTHING kind of is very telling. how can you not believe that something exists, and yet be SO angry about it that you NEED to call him names?

i have NO need to push what i believe down your throat, or to insult you to try to make you believe what i believe. that is ridiculous. how can you be SO angry about something that you don't think exists? how can you come to the religion room EVERY day to fight with anyone that thinks a god exists, and to call him and them names? i do not understand what you say you believe, or DON'T believe. it makes NO sense.

why are you so angry?
exercize 3
Posted:Sep 2, 2017 1:36 pm
Last Updated:Sep 2, 2017 6:54 pm

he is old. not infirm, just not young. all the play has been gone for many years, and he doesnt' know how to laugh anymore. he still knows god, but he has to remind himself all the time. he tends to repeat the songs they sing in church, he needs to avoid the rock n rolls songs he grew up with. they tend to remind him of drugs and alcohol. he tries very hard NOT to think of drugs and alcohol, but those thoughts creep up in his mind all the time.

god is good he tells himself. i trust god and jesus. i KNOW he will get me through this bad time. god is my hope. and he sings 'the lord is my hope' out loud. he feels better almost right away. he is killing time, something he has to do a LOT now. he considers going into a chat room, but decides against it. there is TOO much division in the religion chat room, he does NOT want to fight and hate, but that is what usually goes on there.

at one time, the hate consumed him. he was SO hateful at the people that hated god that he just could NOT let it go. things are somewhat better now. he is not as angry as he used to be. jesus has helped him to love others. however, that anger comes back at times. he needs to leave it behind ALWAYS. he needs jesus' love in his heart no matter how badly others try to hurt him.

he is old. that is NOT his main problem, although, he IS old. he needs to laugh more, to smile, and to love others. he knows this, but it doesn't help. perhaps he can find his way through writing about god. although, he does not know what to write anymore, it alludes him.
wednesday nite AA
Posted:Aug 30, 2017 8:34 pm
Last Updated:Sep 1, 2017 6:54 pm
I have been going to AA on Wednesday nights lately. I really don't have an alcohol problem so much, my problem is POT. I had quit both for about 8 years, but I slowly started smoking pot again, and eventually started drinking and messing with harder drugs. it was REALLY bad to do while I was running the church, but, well, stuff happens when you are weak.

I had quit again for a while when I still had the church, but I was kind of lost.

once I got sick from the MS, I just couldn't deal with myself anymore. I started going to MA for a while, but that was kind of dumb, so then I ended up at AA. now I am a member at a west side alano club and I have a few friends there. I go a few times a week, and I also go to CR (celebrate recovery) once a week. it is something to do instead of watching TV and playing online.
sojo's rules
Posted:Aug 23, 2017 8:09 am
Last Updated:Sep 9, 2017 1:57 pm
sojo posted a new pic, and new rules on his blog.

i am going to comment on both briefly, but i will comment some more on my blog. feel free to do the same.

there are NO rules here. i do whatever i want (and bc allows me to do). bc has a LOT of rules, and they generally do whatever they want anyways.

i have NO comment on sojo's new pic (also, pictured here), other than he is wearing a hat again.
i got my meds!
Posted:Aug 16, 2017 10:59 am
Last Updated:Sep 21, 2017 9:5 am

i got my meds on monday. i left it up to god and he came thru (like always).

i didn't have to make a hundred calls and threaten people, but i still did

thank you god. i shood just leave it up to you in the first place. i am SUCH a control freak
ups stinks!!
Posted:Aug 12, 2017 10:01 am
Last Updated:Aug 15, 2017 6:59 pm
I have to take meds for my MS every day, and I have to order my medicine once a month and have it delivered by ups. so once a month I have to go through hell hoping that they will get me my meds.

it got to the point that I stopped taking them after they played games with the delivery a few years back. that is when I had my first attack of the disease. they would lie and say that it was delivered, and then the pharmacy would not get me another rx, and I just got SO upset, that I just quit taking the meds.

now, I am on a NEW rx, and it is happening again. I am SO upset that I can't complain anymore. doesn't anyone EVER look into what ups is doing? WHY is ups STILL allowed to deliver medications?

I am NOT going to go crazy anymore. it is in god's capable hands.

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