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god's servant's blog

this used to be god's garage

apology
Posted:Nov 14, 2017 5:51 am
Last Updated:Nov 22, 2017 10:35 am
10598 Views

please forgive me lord for my pride.

please forgive me for being flippant to others. I am no better than others. please help me to always remember how you have helped me from the depths of my despair.

please help me to encourage and love everyone. I have been forgetting that you are my only hope and relying on myself again.
0 Comments
sojo
Posted:Nov 7, 2017 7:04 am
Last Updated:Nov 12, 2017 9:11 pm
18469 Views

sojo and I have going through some confrontation in this blog. I pretend NOT to listen to him, because he thinks he is my personal therapist or something. but I do read what says, unfortunately (yawn). he asked the eternal question: why do I write this blog? he supposedly answered his own question: to say "yah yah, nah nah to what people comment to me." that is NOT the right answer.

I write this blog to hear myself think. I write this blog when things are weighing heavily on my mind and I just need to get it out. it is kind of a prayer also at times, written directly to god. I don't need therapy, well maybe I do at times, but that is NOT what I am looking for.

there is a tenant of AA that says we are not here to fix each other, we are only here to HEAR each other. it is like that. hear me, don't try to fix me. and do NOT just be a smart ass
10 Comments
up early for church
Posted:Nov 5, 2017 6:42 am
Last Updated:Nov 22, 2017 10:35 am
18393 Views
I forgot it was fall back day and got up for church an hour early. I changed all my clocks and am STILL bored. I went to the religion room at my usual chat place and ALL the atheists where out in full force this morning. not a good way to start the day.
0 Comments
holding grandma hostage (miracle)
Posted:Nov 3, 2017 6:55 pm
Last Updated:Nov 3, 2017 6:57 pm
18766 Views

I talked to my old man today. it seems he has been grinding on this situation too. he doesn't know god, but he was able to broker a peace deal with my brother and my nephews. he is planning a Christmas with all of us this year. thank you god
0 Comments
holding grandma and the babies hostage for christmas
Posted:Oct 29, 2017 1:44 pm
Last Updated:Nov 7, 2017 6:51 am
23200 Views
my folx own a HUGE apartment building in a good neighborhood in chicago. all of my siblings have lived in apartments there, as well as many of our kids. i lived in a basement apartment with my 3 kids for (10 years), after the divorce. and i lived alone in another basement apartment for many years before and after i got the kids in court. my sister also lived in an apartment there for MANY years when her kids were young, and she lives in that same apartment now that her husband has passed. my grandmother lived here for a long time after my grandfather passed, and the other grandfather lived here after that grandma passed. i guess that this is much the way things were done back in the day, and my father is very happy to continue this italian tradition. my little brother moved into a basement apt a few years back when he got divorced, and that is the main reason that i had moved out. my little brother is not that bright and VERY selfish and mean. he and i got into a VERY physical fight a few years back right around christmas, that had a LOT to do with why i moved out and into the church.

i have had to sell the church building and move back into this building after i got sick from MS. with Christ's help, i have mostly been able to forgive and forgive my brother's foolishness and selfishness. the problem is not with me, but with my sister's kids. not even my sister's kids exactly, but really with her grandkids, who are very young, 2 yrs., 4 mos. & 1 mo. my nephew, the father of the 2 yr. old and the 1 mo., got into an argument with my little brother at a family gathering this summer. apparently words were exchanged and my brother CURSED the kid of my nephew (the newer kid was NOT born yet). and my niece-in-law flipped my brother THE bird. i somehow missed this argument, but it has been MUCH gossip fodder in the family since. my nephew and his family have been refusing to return to greatgrandparent's home, which also means my sister's home. i went to a party yesterday at my nephew's home at which the mean brother was intentionally NOT invited. my kids, and my new grandkid (1 yr.) were there. i guess that the topic of the day was about how my sister's kid(s) and grandkid(s) will NOT be at the greatgranparent's place for christmas.

i do NOT know what to do. i don' t think i should do anything at all. it is NOT my place to get involved. i LOVE my little grandnephews and my sister as well as her 2 sons. i am also hurting a LOT for my mother, this is killing her, and she is not well. i have prayed on this situation and left it in the hands of god.
14 Comments
i got a medicare supplement plan
Posted:Oct 23, 2017 5:47 pm
Last Updated:Oct 23, 2017 5:50 pm
21333 Views

I went to the dr. today, they had cancelled the appt. I had made 3 months ago at the last minute, but I went there anyways. I needed to get my medicare supplement plan worked out. I have been TRYING to do this online for the last week with NO luck. I guess that the law says that you have to meet with a professional to change your plan this month, and I have been avoiding that like the plague.

I had signed up for aarp plan at the (really bad) advice from someone in my MS meeting group, and it hasn't been covering squat. so I knew that I needed to change my plan, and I TRIED to change it online as I have said, but i just kept getting the run around. I knew I had an appt. at the local clinic and I figured I would find a plan there. it is the federal deadline to change plans this month. I go to a clinic for old folks and they do that kind of stuff there.

then, they cancelled my appt. and I went anyways and whined and complained. I do that REALLY well. I walked out with NEW insurance and a NEW appt. for next week. thanks god, I have been REALLY stressing out over this. I think that the plan is MUCH better than the aarp plan. it couldn't be much worse
0 Comments
celebrate recovery (CR)
Posted:Oct 18, 2017 8:30 am
Last Updated:Oct 28, 2017 6:41 am
26846 Views
I have been going to celebrate recovery (the church’s answer to AA) for more than a year now. I am a “leader” there and I believe it is part of my own ministry. It is supposed to be anonymous, so I will TRY to talk bout my OWN feelings. Lately I have had a rotten attitude. I told another member last night that I was SICK of hearing him talk. I only said that because he confronted me at a time when I was REALLY sick of hearing him. He tends to go on and on and on. I really appreciate that he kind of keeps things moving, because I am kind of a dead beat, but he NEVER shuts up. I thought about this all night, and I think that I need to have a talk with this person, and explain that we are not there just to hear ourselves’ talk, rather we are there to help others.

A LOT of other members tend to talk TOO much. But this person fancies hisself as a leader. I say “fancy” because he is NOT a leader, yet he tends to take over the meeting constantly. He talks WAY more than anyone else, and he is TOTALLY irrelevant, although he thinks he is fantastic. We have a timer and he ALWAYS goes beyond his timed spot anyway, and he usually will speak in the larger group (too MUCH) before we get to the smaller group to share. It makes me nuts(er). I will try to talk to him privately, before the small group share to try to explain this. I will TRY to encourage him and say all sorts of positive things when I talk to him. But I feel that he HAS to stop taking over the meeting.

This is a weekly meeting, so I have all week to wait to confront this person, but I am thinking (too much) on it now. Did I remember to mention that I have a rotten attitude lately?
7 Comments
rainy day
Posted:Oct 14, 2017 3:33 pm
Last Updated:Nov 22, 2017 10:35 am
23791 Views

it is raining like crazy in Chicago. I was worried about my car making it through some of the HUGE puddles on the streets (it is a little car). at least I am NOT in a basement anymore. I don't have to worry about flooding. thank you god for providing for me, and helping me get through the rain. it is really not a problem other than being a bummer. I am SO grateful for everything that I have. you have blessed me, god, thank you
0 Comments
journal
Posted:Oct 11, 2017 8:02 am
Last Updated:Nov 22, 2017 10:35 am
24506 Views

CR has been pushing keeping a journal lately. so, i thought i would try it.

October, the Halloween hangings are out already, and the weather is rainy and colder. I have been thinking on god’s joy lately, instead of being sad and pathetic. I have much to be grateful for, I have been blessed by god SO much. I have 3 beautiful children and ONE beautiful grandson. I have a warm, dry place to live that I can afford, and 3 meals a day. I have money in the bank and can buy whatever I need. I am also sober and relatively healthy. There are many that would LOVE to have what I have. Thank you god.
0 Comments
sending money anonymously
Posted:Oct 6, 2017 8:02 am
Last Updated:Oct 27, 2017 7:46 am
28877 Views

i wanted to send a contribution to moody radio. it is their big fall drive and they are making me crazy(er) with all the hoopla. last time i sent a donation, they sent me SO many mailed letters and drove me crazy. i FINALLY got them to stop sending me mail, but i want to send money anonymously this time. i TRIED to send it moneygram, that took like an hour, and they will not accept donations. does anyone know how to send money to an organization anonymously through an online source?

i think the bible tells us to donate anonymously anyways.

also, i heard back from the moody people for my email for the english as a second language volunteer question. they told me to contact my local church, which i have already done, and it amounted to zero.
14 Comments

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