Unworthy of love, unworthy of respect.............
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Posted:Aug 23, 2008 10:26 pm
Last Updated:Jan 20, 2018 3:17 pm 8094 Views
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Hello bloggers,
I just thought I'd paste an e-mail I received from a friend of mine................his esteem is so low, he doesn't feel worthy to find that one true love. I was just wondering if everyone can please pray for him, as he is struggling right now--he truly needs a different way of thinking as he is super-negative. Thank you.
Quote:
"My whole live I have lived, looking for the better things in
life. Born into poverty, and then homeless at age 2, I learned a lot
about life, and more importantly people. Now, at 33 years old, after
living through all the crap that has happened in my life, I realized a
few things. One of those things? I am not worthy of love.
Throughout my years, I've tried over and over again to be a normal
person. A normal person with a family, that was raised right, and then
eventually having my own wife and family. I have tried with many
people, and seriously failed. My whole life I have blamed others for
the break-ups and the hurts and the pains. Only recently have I
learned this fact. I am the problem, and I am unworthy.
You would think I would've learned this when my own mother tried to
kill me at age 12, as well as herself. You would think that I would
have learned this when I went through high school, not being in the
popular crowd, but being even an outcast to the outcasts. You would
think I would have learned when I was accused of in 12th grade by
someone who I never touched ever except for a hug because her father
gave her a black eye and told her to lie because he didn't like that I
came over. You would think that with all the beatings given to me by
my parents, my brother, and finally myself, that I would have realized
it by now. It has been my entire fault.
I could have left, and could have made a decision that I didn't
deserve all this, and disappeared. But, the side of me that knows
right from wrong couldn't do that. I took care of the father who beat
me for minor or no reason until he died, making sure he was
comfortable, no matter what it might have messed up in my life. I took
care of my mother when she was dealing with her lung cancer, taking
care of her no matter the fact that she tried to kill me, and possibly
as a molested me(As I have dreams from back then that I'm not sure
are real incidents or were dreams of her holding me down with her on
top of me.) I showed love, and respect even when I didn't get it back.
I moved on in my life looking for love, and not finding it. A person
in high school once said to me that maybe I should turn gay as no girl
is ever going to want me. I tried working to make a difference in
the world, and tried to get love by being a person who honestly care
for some of the dry bones of society(Read Ezekiel 37) and bring back
life to them, in hopes that those people who show me love in a
non-sexual way. I just wanted to be important to someone. I found many
different girls, all with their own issues. These issues caused my
issues of depression, and sadness to continue, until I was told that
they would fall out of love with me.
So here I am, with nothing to show for myself, but 33 years of
heartache, pain, and non-acceptance in the normal world. I have given
up on ever having the dreams that all men want, a wife and family. The
problem isn't that I can't love. The issue is that I don't deserve
love so there is nothing for people to love about me. No matter how
nice I am, or how kind or giving I am, it isn't going to change the
fact that I am unlovable. Now don't get me wrong, I know God loves
me(Sometimes I doubt this since I have had a rough life) but what I am
talking about is love between people. That, in my life doesn't exist,
and most likely won't ever. I need to accept the facts, the truth, and
realize that I will be alone for a very long, long time.
Unworthy of love, and Unworthy of respect.
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Steven Curtis Chapman news.............pray
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Posted:May 24, 2008 9:14 pm
Last Updated:May 25, 2008 4:30 pm 7441 Views
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Hello,
I just wandered onto blogland to request prayer for the Chapman family.........they had a serious tragedy this week and they can use much prayer.------
copy from the news............
Authorities say the of Christian singer Steven Curtis Chapman was killed Wednesday in the family's driveway.
Investigators say the was one of three adopted by the Chapman family from China.
The 5-year-old was hit by one of the Chapman's sons who didn't see her standing in the driveway
I can't even begin to imagine what the young must be feeling right now...........please keep him and the rest of the family in prayer..........
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UPDATE on boyfriend
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Posted:May 18, 2008 9:49 am
Last Updated:Nov 7, 2008 5:13 pm 7635 Views
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Hello everyone,
I wanted to thank everyone for keeping me and my boyfriend in their prayers. I also noticed that many wanted an update on how he is doing......thanks. Right now he is improving, but he was moved into a separate room in a different section of the hospital since he was infected, the doctors are treating him with antibiotics for MRSA. What happened was his pic line in his neck was really infected, and it was causing him much pain--unfortunately, he needed to wait until a surgeon was free to surgically remove it and at the time of my posting no one was available. One of his surgeons was home and couldn't sleep (shall I call it her conscience??) so she actually got up, went back to the hospital in the middle of the night to remove it herself, right there in his room. Thank God. His temperature went back down to a normal temperature by the next night. So he is improving.
A pressing request now is to be able to have the medical staff locate a good rehab facility for him, or some sort of aftercare, as the rehab center he was at last year (a highly reputable one at that) doesn't want him back. We are concerned about him being able to care for himself should the hospital want to release him this week. It is very sad that medical care should be this traumatizing and lacking after a high risk patient has to have surgery--we just want the best care to prevent anything else from happening to jeopardize his health and recovery.
Thanks to all and God bless.
Doree
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Urgent Prayer Request
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Posted:May 12, 2008 7:23 pm
Last Updated:May 18, 2008 9:27 am 7645 Views
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Hello to all bloggers.......
many here don't know me at all, but I am posting an urgent prayer request for my boyfriend whos in the hospital.
Last week he underwent stomach reconstructive surgery, 1 year after his heart surgery. We were not sure how it would go, but everything seemed to be going well according to the doctors. He had to have a blood transfusion last Thursday in ICU, and he was moved to a regular room Friday night. Right now, he seems to have an infection and his temp is up to 104.5 and I am highly concerned for him, as they are checking him and running many tests to see what the infection is and where it is coming from. I have been really exhausted with all of my lifes' events including this, so I have been napping today again and I feel helpless being at home, but at the same time, I am feeling too tired to spend a long length of time in vigil by his bedside as well if I'm only going to be in the doctor's way. Please, please pray for the doctors and for his health, his name is Dave, and for his mom who does'nt want to leave his side. Thank you.
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Upsetting to me--please pray
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Posted:Dec 9, 2006 11:18 am
Last Updated:Feb 12, 2008 6:56 pm 7771 Views
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Hello big church members,
I just wanted to post a little of what has been happening in my life lately, one of the reasons why I have been too busy to be on the site much. Just the other night I was rallying with a large handful of other county employees before a council meeting where we were to go in and speak out about being without a raise for so long. To give you some background as of the 19th of December I will be working in the county tax office for one year, and only making $9.759 an hour, which is below the lowest my job description should be paid....(I will not and can not even begin to give the "long" list of requirements of my job on a daily basis, just to let you know how ridiculous it all is)...okay imagine even a 10% increase, which is $1.00 about, and I am still below what my job description should be paid---imagine my anger and anxiety over this whole ridiculous situation. It will also be taking longer to wait for a raise because next week the union representatives will say no again to the county's final proposal. When we rallied into the executive's office he flat out said he didn't want to see us or talk to us, even though the majority of the workers we represent (including 911 operators) keep the county working. If you can read what else is going on below and keep us in prayer, pray for this man and the council members to do what is "right" I would greatly appreciate it. Going to my job with all the hostility inside all employees is so frustrating, and even though I know God sent me here for a reason, I'm not sure what that reason would be and if I'm still supposed to wait it out or move on to something different. If I can only go in and not get so worked up over these issues, but it is difficult indeed. Thank you, and I hope all of you have a wonderful holiday.
Doree
Why Are Northampton County Employees so Mad?
Tonight, Northampton County employees will rally outside the courthouse after work, and then march into to county council chambers to demand fair treatment. Why are they so mad? You'd be mad, too. Here's just some things that have happened in the past four years.
1. Over 100 positions were eliminated, and 40 workers were pink-slipped on Northampton County's Black Friday, February 6, 2004.
2. Those that remained have seen no payraises for nearly four years, and the layoffs mean they do more work for less money.
3. Although county employees have seen no pay increases, inflation has sky-rocketed in the Lehigh Valley. The consumer price index in the Lehigh Valley rose a whopping seven per cent in 2005, the largest annual increase ever measured in the 22-year history of The Morning Call/Kamran Afshar Consumer Price Index.
4. New employees like Director of Administration John Conklin have been hired at astronomical salaries, but the rank and file are ignored.
5. County council just gave its staff 18-20% pay increases, while doing nothing for the county's remaining employees.
6. In August, county council very nearly gave itself a $2,500 payraise, a 35% increase, and would have succeeded had it not been vetoed by county exec Stoffa.
7. Judges have been provided plush new quarters on a "private" floor in a public courthouse while many rank and file employees have seen their working space shrink from the supposed "expansion."
8. It is nearly impossible to park anywhere near the courthouse, and until recently, the county actually was considering charging its underpaid employees for the privilege of parking.
9. Many row office workers became ill from mold, dust and Fiberglas particles accompanying the new construction, and no one cared until state health inspectors were involved.
10. Employees with frozen wages watched incredible waste as perfectly good furniture and equipment were "thrown away."
11. Employees with frozen wages see another, and often mentioned, example of government waste in the form of the court's garish wind-sensitive fountain and accompanying landscaping, complete with inlaid irrigation pipes.
12. When county council timidly suggested that extravagances like that fountain or the marble floors be eliminated, judges paraded en masse before county council to demand every penny allocated, and then some. But they made no similar pitch for the lifeblood of this county - its workforce. (I wonder if they're busy tonight).
13. While judges enjoy their catered lunches in a private dining room, the cafeteria for the masses has been taken away and employees must eat in hallways or at their desks.
14. Some rank and file employees, even those with 12 or 13 years of seniority, seek some form of assistance with home heating and for food.
15. Courthouse workers with serious safety concerns, like prison guards, have previously been denied the right to address council because some of what they discuss might be part of labor negotiations. This is a blatant violation of the Sunshine Act, which gives any resident the right to address council on any matter of concern. I expect council to try to shoo workers away tonight, too. But they have a right to speak. And council has an obligation to listen.
After three years, it's time somebody listens. This mess was inherited by both John Stoffa and our current county council. But they've had nearly a year now to resolve what should be the county's top priority. It's becoming their mess. And by the way, the rumored 3.3% offer is a joke that actually amounts to a pay cut. If the county can raise taxes to buy some swamp land or build roads in Bethlehem and Wind Gap for fat cat developers, it can pay its employees a living wage.
In all my dealings with county executive John Stoffa, he has been fair and honorable. He wants to do what's right. And our new county council is union friendly. Charles Dertinger is a third generation union electrician. Lamont McClure positioned AFL-CIO union members to hand out pamphlets during the last congressional campaign. Diane Neiper and John Cusick both belong to teachers' unions.
Just do it.
Written by Bernie O'Hare
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Pray for tiny baby.......
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Posted:Aug 30, 2005 6:19 pm
Last Updated:Dec 11, 2006 7:45 pm 7961 Views
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Hello bigchurch and fellow bloggers.....
I have recently asked for prayer in the prayer request posting section for my cousins' newborn. His name is Jonathan and he is now only 1 lb 3 oz....yet still growing. Isn't it amazing how fragile life can be, yet so strong?? It is truly a sign of one of God's miracles. Please continue to remember him and his family in your prayers. Thank you.
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Have you ever felt like there was "NO WAY OUT?"
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Posted:Jul 12, 2005 11:51 am
Last Updated:Feb 12, 2008 6:57 pm 8338 Views
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Hello fellow bigchurch members. I just read a wonderful article from discipleship journal by Jeris E. Bragan and I just wanted to share it with you. I hope you are all blessed and encouraged by it.
No Way Out?
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When you’re trapped in a rotten situation, try these five keys to freedom.
Jeris E. Bragan
Issue 57 May/June 1990
The heavy steel door slammed shut behind me.
I heard the lock click into place for the first time on Thursday, September 15, 1977, at 8:45 p.m. I walked across the cell toward the window, straining to look out through the bars over the dark skyline I knew so well.
The words of the judge echoed in my mind like thunder “Jeris E. Bragan, on verdict of the jury finding you guilty of murder in the first degree, it is the judgment of the court that you are guilty of that offense. You are sentenced, therefore, to ninety-nine years in the state penitentiary.”
The smooth administration of justice was marred by one ugly flaw: I wasn’t guilty.
Life can be brutally unfair.
When our souls are ravaged during times of grief and anguish, we all ask the “Why?” questions. For months after my conviction I asked them in a thousand different ways–at times thoughtfully, at times in great anger, bitterness, and self-pity.
Then I read again the powerful story of Joseph (Genesis 37-50 ) from the fresh perspective of my prison cell. That led me to focus on the issue of suffering with a different starting point: How do we, like Joseph, begin life again when our freedom, relationships, hopes, finances, or health are seized in the cruel jaws of suffering? How do we cope? How do we find a path beyond prison walls of suffering when it seems there’s just no way out?
While trapped behind my prison walls, I’ve discovered in my study of the Bible–particularly the story of Joseph–five keys to freedom that lead to release and renewal. You may never live in a prison made of steel like mine–or like Joseph’s. But a broken marriage, a hospital bed, poverty, despair, lost dreams–these are very real prisons. They’re every bit as confining, isolating, and demoralizing as my own.
No matter who you are or what your circumstances, you too can use these keys to step out into the freedom that transcends the worst adversity.
"You’re free to have faith in God."
For most people, faith in a loving, gracious God is challenged most violently in the bitter acid bath of actual, personal suffering. Few people have had their faith tested more bitterly than Joseph.
He was Jacob’s favorite , a pampered rich until he was sold into Egyptian slavery at age seventeen by his jealous brothers. While enslaved to Potiphar, the Egyptian king, his suffering turned even more wretched. Potiphar’s wife tried unsuccessfully to seduce him and then falsely accused him of . In spite of his innocence, he was thrown into prison.
Faith is easy under sunny skies, when we’re surrounded on all sides by family, loving friends, success, and prosperity. But what does that faith mean to us when the storms begin to rage–when everything we’ve ever loved and believed in is suddenly and violently swept away? What do we say of God when His voice is thunderously silent in the face of our suffering?
Clarence Jordon translates Heb. 11:1 with penetrating insight: “Now faith is the turning of dreams into deeds. It is betting your life on the unseen realities, and by so relating our lives we become aware that history is woven to God’s design.”
Knowing that our individual histories are “woven to God’s design” is the beginning of a mature, adult faith.
From age seventeen to thirty, Joseph was put through the proverbial meat-grinder. Whatever could go wrong, did! Yet two astonishing themes dominate his story during those dark and difficult days. One is implicit throughout the story: his uncompromising trust in God. The second is spelled out clearly: “But while Joseph was there in the prison, the LORD was with him” (Gen. 39:20-21 ).
During grim years of great emotional and spiritual pain, from one day to the next Joseph didn’t have any idea what the future held for him. He had no way of knowing in his prison cell that the day would come when he’d see how God’s grace had turned all the evil he endured into good (Gen. 45 , Gen. 50:20 ).
But Joseph’s faith freed him in the midst of painful circumstances because he knew by faith that God held his future securely in His hands. His life was “woven to God’s design.”
Faith is the God-shaped lens through which we filter and then interpret the events of life. It’s through the eyes of faith that we find meaning in our circumstances. Faith gives us the vision to see possibilities for grace amid the most bitter pain. It frees us to create content out of chaos, to change stumbling blocks into stepping stones. Faith is the first key to the doors of our imprisonment.
"You’re free to accept your circumstances."
A woman went to her pastor for counseling after a long series of tragic events in her life. Caught in the web of suffering, she kept asking, “Why has God allowed this to happen to me?” Nothing her pastor said could get her to take one step beyond her pain. As the months passed, her questions turned increasingly bitter.
Finally, the pastor resorted to some tough love. “Tell me something,” he asked. “What’s so special about you that you thought you’d get through life without any real suffering?”
Stunned, the woman stormed out of his office.
After some reflection, however, she realized he wasn’t being cruel. He wanted her to face the fact that life has rough edges, and nobody is exempt from pain.
Joseph discovered early on that life’s rough edges cut deep into the soul. Who would have blamed him if he had tried to escape, or surrendered his life to the poverty of bitterness and hostility? But how different life would be today if he had! Egypt, the cradle of Western civilization, would have been destroyed in the famine. Joseph’s family would have died. No Moses. No Exodus. No Israel.
Faith freed Joseph to accept his difficult circumstances.
People who choose faith can accept suffering without bitterness because they know that when God leads us into suffering it is to stretch us, to enlarge us to receive more of His gifts of grace.
Without the lens of faith to filter all the random and destructive events of life, however, we’re left blind to God’s saving action in our lives, and we never discover the reality that “all things work together for good for those who love God and are willing to fit into His plans” (Ro. 8:28 ).
Accepting our situation doesn’t mean enjoying it; it simply means putting a period after a finished sentence. Taking this step is the second key to freedom, allowing us to get on with living, laughing, and loving again when the time for grieving has passed.
"You’re free to choose your response."
A major-league baseball umpire had a reputation forsaking his time when calling a pitch behind the plate. Seconds would drag on before he bellowed, “Ball!” or “Strike!”
One day as the delays got longer, the manager of a losing team finally exploded. Livid, he stormed up out of the dugout, screaming, “Are ya blind? What is it?”
The umpire stood up and glared at the furious manager. “It ain’t nothing until I call it something!” he roared.
I had to discover the umpire’s wisdom for myself one day while making a phone call. Without warning, a particularly vicious and sadistic jailer jerked the receiver out of my hand and slammed it down. He cursed me in the most colorful terms, baiting me, challenging me to respond. Other prisoners stood nearby, watching in amusement, looking for a fight. My fists balled. Blood pounded like base drums in my skull.
Suddenly I experienced one of those rare flashes of spiritual illumination. I realized that everything, including my life, could be taken away from me in this prison–except one thing: my freedom to choose my response to what happened to me. Nobody could take that away unless I permitted it.
This realization lanced the boil of my anger. I burst out laughing and walked away.
Transcendent freedom can be unnerving because of the responsibility that comes with it. Excuses are gone. We have nobody to blame for how we feel or behave. Our responses to all of life’s blessings or blisters are ours to do with as we choose.
“It ain’t nothing until I call it something!” is the way Joseph lived. Although betrayed by his brothers, he chose to accept quietly his role as a slave in Potiphar’s house. His faith and courage was obvious to those who observed him.
Betrayed and brutalized again by false charges of , Joseph still refused to surrender the control of his life. He accepted his circumstances with dignity and got on with the business of living. And “the warden paid no attention to anything under Joseph’s care, because the LORD was with Joseph and gave him success in whatever he did” (Gen. 39:23 ).
Joseph wasn’t willing to squander precious energy resources on resentment, anger, or self-pity. Instead, he accepted and focused on what he had to work with. This action is a third key that opens the prison door another crack.
"You’re free to act."
“People who say it can’t be done are always being interrupted by somebody doing it!” my father used to say. He believed possibilities for success and achievement existed in the midst of the worst problems.
Margaret Sharp, age seventy-nine, came to visit me at the jail a few months after my conviction. “What are you gonna do here?” she asked.
“You gotta be kidding!” I snapped irritably. “What am I supposed to do in a place like this?” I couldn’t see beyond my isolation and discouragement.
A person who loved me less might have indulged my self-pity. Not Margaret! “You can do anything you want,” she replied bluntly. “Why don’t you use some of your intelligence and finish college? You’ve got time to read, study, and think. I’ve seen your writing, so get to work and write!”
In less than five minutes she ticked off enough work to keep me busy for the next twelve years–literally! “Whatever your hand finds to do, do it with all your might,” she added (Ecc. 9:10 ).
I followed her advice. Not because I liked it or because it was easy, but because I needed to do something to shake off the gloomy, suffocating shackles of meaninglessness in my life. Since then I’ve read hundreds of books, finished a B.A. degree, published two books and scores of articles, and taken the first steps toward earning an M.A. degree in pastoral counseling.
Joseph’s story reminds me of an old saying: Christians are like teabags– they’re not worth much until they get into hot water. But it’s not the hot water that matters; it’s how we choose to act when we find ourselves in it.
When confined behind prison walls of circumstances, our freedom to act is usually limited. But opportunity for action in some form is always available to those who “wait upon the Lord” for direction.
God provided Joseph with freedom to act in the dungeon when the king’s baker and cupbearer came to him with their dreams. He could have dismissed them–after all, didn’t he have enough problems of his own? Instead, he listened and responded to their need to understand the meaning of their dreams.
The cupbearer was overjoyed to hear he would soon be restored to the king’s service. “But when all goes well with you, remember me and show me kindness; mention me to Pharoah and get me out of this prison,” Joseph told him (Gen. 40:14 ).
But the cupbearer forgot all about Joseph–for two more years! Nevertheless, Joseph’s life was ultimately blessed because he turned the fourth key of action on his prison doors.
"You’re free to love."
The most liberated and loving people I know are those who have been deeply wounded by others. There is something about being stripped to the bone of the soul, left only with raw spiritual resources for survival, that can lead to growth in our capacity to love.
Joseph went through the ultimate test of his willingness to love graciously when the famine worsened and the brothers who had sold him into slavery came to Egypt to buy grain. Fifteen years had passed. Their brother had grown into manhood, so they didn’t recognize him. He was the second most powerful man in Egypt. He could have had them executed on the spot for what they did to him.
Instead, he tested them to find out what kind of men they had become. Only when they showed their willingness to sacrifice their lives for another brother did Joseph reveal himself to them and extend forgiveness for what they’d done to him.
Bob, a friend of mine and a committed Christian, is a tough, fiercely competitive ex-Marine whose construction business was nearly wiped out when a trusted employee embezzled huge sums to cover gambling debts. Nobody was surprised when Bob had the thief prosecuted and imprisoned.
But friends were dumbfounded three years later when they learned Bob had given financial aid to the thief’s family, visited him in prison, and then helped him get back on his feet with a new job when he got out.
“Why would you do that for a person who caused you so much grief and pain?” I asked.
Bob smiled ruefully. “At first I wanted to shoot him!” he admitted. “But one morning I read the words of Jesus for family devotions: ‘You have heard that it was said, “Love your neighbor and hate your enemy.” But I tell you: Love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you’” (Mt. 5:43-44 ).
“But Dad,” Bob’s ten-year-old interrupted, “does that mean we’re supposed to love a man who stole from us?”
“Well,” Bob continued, “it was then that I realized this is where the rubber meets the road in my life as a Christian. I knew God had given me loving grace and forgiveness for my sins. But here I was harboring hatred and vengeance for a man who sinned against me. I was trapped in a worse prison than my ex-employee.”
Blessed with rare wisdom, Bob, like Joseph, discovered real love is more than convenient, self-serving sentimentality; it’s an uncompromising commitment to another’s growth, welfare, fulfillment, and happiness–to that person’s ultimate redemption. Not because it’s deserved, but because it’s needed.
That’s agape love.
Joseph’s love for others wasn’t contingent upon how they treated him– whether they were his jealous brothers, Potiphar’s malicious wife, or a fellow prisoner who forgot him. He saw people as God sees them; wounded sinners afflicted with guilt and in need of redemptive grace. His love was action-based, rooted in God’s love for him and motivated by God’s command to love others. He was a living mediator of grace–a pre-advent Savior–and all who came near him were warmed and renewed by that loving grace.
The former embezzler of Bob’s business, overcome by what he experienced in Bob’s offer of forgiveness, is today an active Christian who devotes many hours each week to working with others addicted to gambling.
Bob says his own life was transformed by this experience. “I can’t explain why, but I’m much closer to people now,” he told me recently. “It’s easier for me to communicate real warmth and affection to my wife, , and friends.”
He paused and then smiled. “Love doesn’t make the world go around, like the song says, but it sure makes the trip worthwhile, especially during tough times!”
There is enough pain and suffering in human existence to leave us wondering at times if life is anything more than a cruel joke. Sooner or later everyone feels the biting sting of suffering’s lash.
You’re probably not living in prison right now. But perhaps you are imprisoned by painful circumstances–a career demolished on the rocks of vicious gossip; a relationship sabotaged by betrayal; crumbling financial security; health crippled by disease; the loss of a loved one.
When Joseph confronted his prison walls, he discovered that real courage is a three-letter word: y-e-s.
He said Yes! to faith, even when God’s voice seemed silent. He said Yes! to acceptance, even though he didn’t deserve anything that happened to him. He said Yes! to life’s tough choices, even in the midst of loss and great pain. He said Yes! to action, even though that meant cheerfully doing what was demanded of him by a slave master and prison warden. And he said Yes! to love, even when confronted with malice, cruelty, and hatred.
These are the keys to freedom beyond the prison walls of suffering. Slip them into the locked doors of your life, and you will find God leading you down a path of renewal you never dreamed possible.
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About the Author
Jeris E. Bragan is serving his sentence in the Tennessee State Prison.
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On Your Own
Breaking Free
Is there a situation in your life right now that seems like a prison? How might you apply each of the five “keys to freedom,” and what changes might occur if you did?
Faith
Acceptance
Choosing a response
Action
Love
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Past failures and mistakes........
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Posted:Jun 21, 2005 5:23 pm
Last Updated:Feb 12, 2008 6:58 pm 8002 Views
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Hello everyone at bigchurch.
I have just finished reading another really good book written by Terri Blackstock. She is one of my favorite authors. Her stories are inspirational and show fiction characters dealing with many feelings or situations that common everyday people feel or face. I just wanted to copy her Afterword in her most recent book Breaker's Reef to share with everyone here.
"I wish I were the kind of person who had lived life according to God's best plan for me, but my free will got in the way so many times, leaving me with a series of regrets that rear their ugly heads with hair-trigger consistency. I read the words that Paul wrote in Philippians 3:13-14, 'but one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus.' And yet, I find myself constantly looking in my rearview mirror, wondering how different things would be if I had.
I judge the paths I took and the decisions I made with the critical eye of a prosecutor determined to win the case, indicting myself, convicting, and executing all at once. I run through my parenting mistakes with the skill of a DA. I was too lenient, too strict; spoiled them too much, deprived them of what they needed; I was naive, I was suspicious, I let them have too much freedom, I didn't give them enough. And then there's my divorce, and my writing, and the people I've offended or hurt, or those I failed to validate or acknowledge.........
I wake up nights and file through these things in my mind, asking God how He could ever forgive me for any of them, when compared to so many good people I know, I'm such a wretch. How can God use a loser like me? How can he count on my lazy, slow-learning spirit?
My friend Nell has the same thoughts late at night when she lies awake on the six-inch mattress provided by the county's Department of Corrections. She's been in jail on drug charges for 14 years, since her were small. They've grown up without their mother. If anyone has a right to regrets, she does.
She looks 13 months ahead, to the date of her release, and knows that she won't be able to step right back into her family and her life. She can't get back the years her drug abuse cost her. But during the time that she's been imprisoned, she's learned of Christ's forgiveness and has been discipled and mentored by people who love her because Christ loves her. Her faith has had time to grow deep roots, and she's become something of a missionary among her cell mates.
She looks back on the last 14 years and thanks God for all the suffering and the lessons she's learned, for it's given her a new life and transformed her into a new person. Instead of throwing up her hands as her have grown up without her, she prays earnestly for them and shares Scripture with them on the phone. During occasional visits, she talks to them of the things the Lord is doing in her life. She looks forward to the day when her sons will marry and have of their own. 'I didn't get to raise my boys, she says, but I'll be the best grandmother you've ever seen!'
Nell has learned the lessons of pressing on and not looking back. She's a poignant example for me.
The apostle Peter learned this lesson too. After the Passover meal that we often call Christ's Last supper, Jesus looked at Peter. 'Simon, Simon, he said, behold, Satan has demanded permission to sift you like wheat; but I have prayed for you, that your faith may not fail; and you, when once you have turned again, strengthen your brothers' (Luke 22:31-32 NAS.
Peter didn't know that in just a few hours, he would betray Christ 3 times. But Jesus knew. And don't you know that Jesus' words played through his mind over and over for the rest of his life? Jesus had told him---before the betrayal---that he would mess up, but when he repented, it would be time to move on and fulfill his calling. Jesus didn't say, 'Peter, you are going to really blow it a few hours from now. Your'e going to turn tail and run, and then your'e going to lie through your teeth about even knowing me. And it's a shame, because you had a lot of potential, but you'll be of no use to me then.' Instead, He anticipated Peter's sincere repentance and reminded him that his calling would still be there when he came back. And for 2,000 years, Peter has strengthened his brothers through his writings in the New Testament, and reminded us that you can't move forward if you're always looking back.
I realize that God is in control of the universe, that the mistakes in my past, while dramatic to me, did not ruin God's plan beyond repair. God is sovereign, and His plans cannot be thwarted by someone like me. He can fill in the blanks of my mistakes, teaching my what I failed to teach, restoring what I destroyed, rebuilding what I tore down, redeeming what I sold away.
And He tells me to stop looking back, to press on toward the prize.....He knew my mistakes before I ever made them, yet He still planned to use me anyway. He didn't see me as the Great Loser, but as someone uniquely gifted with something to be used in His kingdom work. Where I see myself as a disappointment, He sees me as an asset. He already knows the fruit I will bear for Him, and my future is on His mind so much more than my past.
If He can see me that way, why wouldn't I want to press on toward that goal, and wave goodbye to my fragmented, imperfect past? The future is so much brighter in Christ, and I have so many sisters and brothers who need strengthening.
Thank you, Lord, for seeing my potential instead of my past."
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Handling Rejection
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Posted:Jun 17, 2005 2:16 pm
Last Updated:Nov 7, 2008 5:13 pm 8090 Views
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Has anyone ever visited the site net-burst.net?? The author of the posts Grantley Morris has some amazing, thought-provoking and informative articles. One I have enjoyed reading over again is titled Handling Rejection. I would like to share some of it with you:
"If only we could laugh in the midst of our trial. Coping with rejection and apparent failure is a serious matter. The tragic death of John Kennedy Toole screams this truth at anyone lucky enough to need an explanation. No publisher would touch Toole's book. In a vain attempt to kill the pain, he suicided. Posthumously, his book was published. It won the 1980 Pulitzer Prize for fiction.
But don't scoff at the scoffers. In its early stages, virtually every great achievement has seemed pathetically insignificant.
THE CRITICS
Many of us have stifled our life by heeding some misguided critic who implied we were not good enough.
Few things in life are certain. But criticism is.
Though spineless people-pleasers try hard, no one totally avoids criticism. Being right doesn't help. Neither does loving everyone, or being perfect. The world crucified the only One with these qualities. Everything he did upset someone. He was criticized even by friends, family, and religious leaders. Twenty centuries later, with the advantage of hindsight, he is still slandered.
DID YOU KNOW?
---Most actors wanting the role of Long John Silver are hopelessly inadequate. They have too many legs.---
---Most people look like ridiculously overdressed, non-Japanese, anorexic sumo wrestlers.---
---When I was younger I could run faster then Carl Lewis. Over the years my superiority gradually waned, especially after baby Carl learned to walk.---
I know what you're thinking: I've finally blown a fuse upstairs. Before you start sending get-well cards, however, let me assure you I'm as sane as anyone else here in the psychiatric ward.
MY POINT IS THIS: whether you see yourself as gifted or queer, indispensable or inadequate, depends entirely on the frame of reference you choose. From God's frame of reference--the life's work he has chosen for you--no one is as perfectly endowed as you.
If that seems like soppy idealism, you have not thought it through. Do so, and it will become a treasured source of strength and inspiration. You could choose any person to fill volumes with what he or she cannot do or is hopeless at, but that's of no more concern than the fact that a video recorder cannot fly, quench thirst, tie shoelaces, and prevent tooth decay. Besides the endless list of things a video recorder cannot do, many of the things it CAN do, it does poorly. It's an inferior paperweight, straightedge, and bookend. You could use it as a fly-swatter--once. Such lists miss the critical point: anything skillfully designed is ideally equipped---and usually solely equipped---for the specific and commendable purpose for which it was made.
OF COURSE you cannot do everything. That was never your Designer's intention. But to imagine that your Creator will not fashion you WITH PERFECTION for your reason for existence, is to accuse your Maker of impotence and incompetence. Face facts: everything God does is impressive. For the exact role that he created you, you are superbly endowed. All you need do is yield to him."
I hope these words help and encourage you as they do me. 
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It's in the valleys I grow
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Posted:Jun 5, 2005 8:08 am
Last Updated:Mar 5, 2006 9:29 pm 7956 Views
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IT'S IN THE VALLEYS I GROW
Sometimes life seems hard to bear,
Full of sorrow, trouble and woe
It's then I have to remember
That it's in the valleys I grow.
If I always stayed on the mountain top
And never experienced pain,
I would never appreciate God's love
And would be living in vain.
I have so much to learn
And my growth is very slow,
Sometimes I need the mountain tops,
But it's in the valleys I grow.
I do not always understand
Why things happen as they do,
But I am very sure of one thing.
My Lord will see me through.
My little valleys are nothing
When I picture Christ on the cross
He went through the valley of death;
His victory was Satan's loss.
Forgive me Lord, for complaining
When I'm feeling so very low.
Just give me a gentle reminder
That it's in the valleys I grow.
Continue to strengthen me, Lord
And use my life each day
To share your love with others
And help them find their way.
Thank you for valleys, Lord
For this one thing I know
The mountain tops are glorious
But it's in the valleys I grow!
(This poem was written by Jane Eggleston who currently lives in Virginia. Her Jeff states, "She is a wonderful person, loves Jesus and has been the best mother anyone could ever ask for." What a fitting tribute to any mother.)
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