A Mother's Creed
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Posted:May 11, 2005 9:47 pm
Last Updated:Mar 5, 2006 9:29 pm 1921 Views
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Here is a wonderful addition to a Mother's Day church bulletin.
A Mother's Creed
I will worry less about my and trust God more.
I will commit them into the Lord's care.
I will love my unconditionally and let them know I do.
I will believe in them constantly and encourage them often.
I will pray for them daily.
I will teach them responsibility for their own actions.
I will try to be an example of godliness, but I will be unafraid to let them see my faults.
I will give them generous doses of laughter, interspersed with fun.
I will release them when they are grown, but they will always be my own.
I just wanted to share these words of wisdom that spoke to me as a mom with everyone. (no author was noted) I hope everyone had a blessed mother's day.
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Becoming......
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Posted:May 4, 2005 10:48 pm
Last Updated:Mar 5, 2006 9:29 pm 1827 Views
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Hello fellow bloggers, here is a post I placed in the 12-step recovery group. I just thought others might want to read the words to a wonderful song God has given to me. God Bless.
I have been going through so much struggling over the years, and it gets very tiring. This month has been very frustrating, especially, because of 2 losses I am trying very hard to deal with on top of all the occurring ongoing struggles I'm trying to face and change. I am in actuality sinking into a depression that is scaring me. An interesting thing though I am noticing is that I am being surrounded with support, or just friends, especially when I'm not feeling like being around anyone, or encouraging words, unlike a lot of other times in my past.
I did want to share something, since I know sometimes music and lyrics can be of help or comfort at times. I'm not sure how many have heard or listen to a Christian group, husband and wife duo called Out of the Grey. I rather enjoy their music and works. Sometime recently, the wife, Christine Dente, has recorded her own solo album entitle "Becoming". The entire album is about her struggles and growth into becoming a woman of God. The words and melody from her first song really soothe and speak to me, as an affirmation that God "is" really working in my life, and though it saddens me, I realize that this is something I need to constantly remind myself of. I hope they speak to others too.
Becoming
by Christine Dente
These are my sidewalks
They wound around the neighborhood
Always led me straight and safely home
But now they're uneven
'Cause roots move beneath them
And time won't leave well enough alone
And I had been trying to smooth these stones
Thought I could make my way alone
I tried the whimsical, gauzy pink dresses
That spin in the wind when you twirl
But somehow the princess gown
Never did fit this girl
So I fled the garden for the tower
And I had been hiding behind these stones
Thought I'd be well enough alone
Then you came nearer
You held the mirror
I saw myself there in your eyes
And I had been running
Still you pursued
I watched you move each heavy stone
The thorns around me tore your skin
But you kept coming through
'Cause you won't leave well enough alone
I am becoming what I once was
The girl in the mirror of your love
I am becoming
Your love becomes me
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Can we say a little prayer??
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Posted:Apr 30, 2005 12:04 am
Last Updated:Mar 5, 2006 9:29 pm 2071 Views
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Hello everyone at Bigchurch,
I have been going through so much pain and heartache since my friend's recent death. I notice that my last post too didn't get many responses---it sure makes me wonder why. I travel through the site all around and I notice other's pain, whether it be from loneliness, or from situations within life. It makes my burden even heavier. It makes me even sadder. Then, I read the posts where there are so much disagreeing and arguing, and it causes my heart even more distress. My problems right now internally from my past and from God doing so many great things as far as change inside of me feels so tremendous, it's like I'm too flustered and overwhelmed to even post the way I want to---I can't think straight, I can't focus. Has anyone else ever gone through or felt so out of sinc?? To add to it all, I am seeking employment. How the despair causes such enormous distractions from the things I would like to do. It would be nice if everyone could sit back and reflect on their feelings, and place them in relation to what the rest of the world is going through. Could perhaps, everyone here pray for each other, not out of pride or duty, but out of sincere concern and love of Christ for each other?? Could perhaps, we, in all our crazy schedules or in and regardless of our strong opinions or ideas, take a deep breath and cast these things aside and really focus on how our brothers and sisters are fairing?? Believe me, these posts are getting more and more difficult for me, as my feelings are becoming numb and distant. There are so many things I would like to say and "get out" but its just not happening through my grief at the moment, I am so burned-out. I just keep thinking of how my friend was so lonely and struggling so much, but yet even the church and it's members couldn't reach him where he needed it the most---this is so sad.
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Some feelings........response to SaxGuyTX
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Posted:Apr 23, 2005 11:59 am
Last Updated:Mar 5, 2006 9:29 pm 2090 Views
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I will have to say I was quite surprised to see that someone went to view my blog after a few weeks. I suppose I just get used to it being put on the shelf after the first initial views. I was actually getting pretty depressed again on Friday night, and was really sad when I went into my blog to view an added commet. Needless to say the intrigue I felt when I read SaxGuyTX comments.
I then saw SaxGuyTX started a whole new blog titled homosexuality and I went in to read it. To be quite honest, to reread the posts in a whole different light really opened my eyes even more, and it hurt. It's like someone took a hammer and hit me in the head as a wake up call---that SaxGuyTX made a very good, honest, and valid point in his views of the situation. Why I didn't see it earlier astounds me. I realized that a few members had "assumed" the wrong things when looking at my friend's picture I posted here off to the side........regardless of how many others do this consistently in their blogs. So, that in only to fix and make right the confusion I apologized and brushed it off, since I totally understood how it might look to someone who might not understand how the pages work. For being on a Christian site, I guess, that yes it does have the appearance of being "off".
So, lets just take a human being approach to this, and I don't want to be offensive or condemning in any way to anyone.......I just want us all to see and feel some things a little differently for a few minutes. I hope no one minds where I go with all of this.
We have a situation---someone loses a person who is very dear and close to them. As SaxGuyTX mentions, does it matter who or what or what lifestyle that person leads, the fact remains that someone is grieving, someone is hurting pretty badly because of their loss. And yes, I am hurting. So what if I were homosexual?? Does this make the pain any less?? No it doesn't. I'm hurting just as much as anyone else, I'm human. I am in pain and would like to find someone to comfort me, or just to find some words of comfort. Put yourself in their shoes for a moment, and ask yourself, "what kind of response would you want or like to see and hear if you were in my shoes?" I'm on a Christian site....yes there must be some compassion here, as Christ showed compassion. But instead of the comfort I am reaching for, I get a lecture about how sinful a lifestyle I'm leading. Imagine how angry, or bitter, or turned-off to religion and anything that even is remotely related to Bible, God or Jesus I become. Yep, those Christians did it again. I am hurting, I am human, and I would just like to have a "cyberhug" as you would, and instead I'm getting the third degree to how "wrong" I am for living the way I choose.
I understand that homosexuality is wrong. However, the only way to win the lost is not to "preach" rules and regulations......"homosexuality is a sin..yada yada"..........the only true way to reach the lost for Jesus is through love. How much more different would it be if you met a professing homosexual, and you decided to be friends, and leave out how dissaproved of their lifestyle you are for a length of time, and just embrace and accept them as they are?? Do you not think, that then, when the time is better to discuss your faith and beliefs, that their hearts would be more accepting and open to hear and listen to your testimony because of how friendly, open, and accepting you've been toward them??? Jesus did not call us to be "preachy", He called us to spread His good news of love and sacrifice in love. How many have turned away because Christians have failed to "show" that God is love, and not some scary meany judge no one wants anything to do with??
I just hope everyone thinks about this. As I already said, I don't want anyone to feel I'm judging or condemning, I don't want anyone to feel this way either, because I understand how misleading my original post may have been for others to view and I did say as such---no hard feelings here. This is not my point to be made. I'm just expressing how opened my eyes were to something I didn't even think about, and wondered "what if" things were this way as was pointed out?? See, I have been hurt by church and religion, and if you notice in my picture of the friend I lost, he was also hurting very much because of his obesity. I could have turned away in fear and self-righteousness, as so many may and would have in this sinful world, but I decided that this didn't make a person. I decided that a decision like this could also make or break a person, and hurt them as well......so I gave him a chance to see what he was on the inside, to see his heart. And I found something really sweet and special inside and that's what makes his passing hurt even more.
Yes, I am glad that I had that short-lived opportunity to spend the time with him. I am also now very sad and regretful that it's no more, that there was so much more I wanted to do with him and know about him. It is so sad to think of what might have happened to him inside if I had decided to reject him, perhaps as maybe many others have or had or might have. It is also sad to think that I might have sabotaged my chances of having that special time with him, if I would have let the world's prejudices and fears overtake me and control my thinking. Can all of you see how wrong we are for treating each other these ways?? I hope this story and post has spoken to someone, and I hope we can all stop and evaluate our hearts with regards to how we treat and talk to others, non-believers and brothers and sisters alike. See, even though my friend was a Christian, he was still very lonely and hurting. I have spoken with his family, if you can all keep them in your prayers since they are taking this really hard, and they have shown so much appreciation and love toward me----because they knew how much happier he was for his last 2 months of living, they knew how miserable and lonely he had been recently, and they knew he was happy for his last few weeks because we were together and had each other. Perhaps, when everyone attends their church services tomorrow, they can take that extra time out to reach out to the underdog that no one really pays much attention to during the service. It might really mean a lot to them and maybe make a difference for that person, especially if they are just wishing and hoping that "someone" would just reach out and show them the love that Christ has for them. I've been there and it does hurt and it is painful, and if we can't reach out to our own, we will never be able to reach out to the lost on the outside---especially not the souls who are hurting the most.
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Oh, what to do............
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Posted:Apr 10, 2005 7:13 pm
Last Updated:Feb 12, 2008 7:09 pm 2067 Views
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I am at my wits end at the moment. I'm so frustrated with life right now. In my previous blogs, I mentioned about losing a dear friend of mine........possibly my future "one" at that. Now, I have the wonderful task of looking for a job again, and this is stressful and not fun at all---we won't even get into the worries and concerns about finances this brings on.
Oh, above all concerns, is my . My sweet, intelligent, talkative, and beautiful . She is amazing. I have many compliments on her from so many people, about her intelligence, and good manners, and how well-behaved she is. If these well intentioned people only knew the struggles my mom and I are having with her. You see, we have a hard time getting her to listen. I believe part of this comes from her feeling she's so smart, she thinks she knows better, but I can't be sure. Her father has problems with this as well---he never listens to a thing anyone tells him. We go through constant yelling and repeating in this house, and my concern is how to "train" this problem before she hits her teeny years. It seems as if nothing works in the way of discipline, and now she's six, and it appears to be getting worse, not better---and along with the getting worse, is the whining, complaining, and arguing from her end. I had to resort to spanking and taking away privileges today, but it still continued later. Is there anything I can do??? She is involved in several church functions throughout the week, so it's not like we're not teaching her about God and right from wrong. It must be something right, if she is so well-behaved in classes and at school. I just don't understand these things at all, and I'm super stressed from raising my voice so much at her today. It is so tiring when a doesn't do as they're told.
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Watching ducks
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Posted:Mar 31, 2005 10:40 am
Last Updated:Feb 12, 2008 7:08 pm 1482 Views
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I am feeling very poorly since my friend's funeral yesterday. My whole body feels like it's in shock---and one would think this would make it easier to go to bed at night, but it doesn't. I am very sad, very sad. I just wish this hadn't happened, and that I can go home later and give him a call, just to hear his voice and share some silly joke. I decided to take a stroll at lunch break today, just to change some scenery, and walking by the water, I was watching the ducks. I love to be near the water, it is so peaceful and relaxing, and it really helps a person think. I also love nature, and I got lost in watching the ducks and geese swim, so merrily. I began to think it must be nice to be a duck. Swimming in the water, not a care in the world--they don't have to grieve a lost loved one, worry about finances and where the money might come from, running around in circles after when their being naughty, or they're sick, or just to get them here and there, or just having to watch them go through rough spots in their life as well. Sometimes, wouldn't it be nicer to just be a duck?? or perhaps a cat, or fish?? I guess these are just my thoughts---my way of wishing life wasn't so painful, confusing, and frustrating in light of my recent loss. I can only hope for the day when things start to feel better.
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My dear friend is laid to rest today
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Posted:Mar 30, 2005 6:51 pm
Last Updated:Aug 7, 2006 9:01 pm 1822 Views
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Today was my friend's funeral. It is a sad sad day. I don't want to say goodbye, even if it is only for now, even though we will see each other again in heaven. I am so thankful to learn about what a good Christian he was here on earth---how he so positively affected those around him. I just wish he didn't have to feel the loneliness he felt all the time doing so. I think as Christians, we might have a difficult time reaching out to the "person". We have a difficult time looking at the feelings others may have. As people, we have a tendency to "overlook" what might be underneath all the good deeds or talents or ministries or other "works" that others around us are trying to accomplish, to see if there is a broken heart, or loneliness, or other types of pain occuring in the deepest depths of their souls. I am so glad others were able to know him, and gain so much from him. It's just so painful for me to know how he "really" felt, underneath the Godly, helpful, intelligent core. It is so sad to me to think he probably "helped" bring on his early departure, because of his disregard for his health and/or personal care, simply because of an inner grief, anguish, despair, rejection issue, whatever, that no one either saw, or bothered to look for and take the time to help mend. I miss him greatly, and I regret not getting the chance to know him better.
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My dear friend
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Posted:Mar 29, 2005 1:32 pm
Last Updated:Feb 12, 2008 7:03 pm 1859 Views
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I am new to blogs. I enjoy coming through to read them from time to time, and to post my thoughts. I'm usually so flustered with so many thoughts and emotions though to be able to pin on just one thought or idea or emotion to talk about, thus, I haven't created my blog page yet. I recently had a very upsetting experience this past weekend though, and I thought maybe this might be a good place to talk about it and get some thoughts and feelings out in the open.
I ended up meeting a very nice gentleman here on the website, and he was local to me, so we decided to meet late in January. I was very scared and nervous, this whole "meeting" and "dating" thing just makes one's insides queasy. Needless to say, the first date went okay, and I found out this man was real nice and I got along pretty well with him. So, since I still had a lot to learn about him, and I feel we need to be open to others and situations, I decided to have another date with him. Perhaps he wasn't as "handsome" as one might desire, I felt as long as we're getting along and enjoying each other things might be okay. I want to be open to who God sends my way---we never know what may happen, and we may not know unless we try. So, we have been seeing each other quite regularly ever since. I knew I wanted to keep seeing him, since I could just hear in his voice his interest in me and his enjoyment with my company. This is so new to me I think---to have someone interested in "me" as opposed to what one may get from me. I really liked this in him very much, and I tried to keep praying about it, but I really started to like him and open up to him "a lot". I couldn't believe this is even happening---it's nice to think I actually met someone from the internet whom I can enjoy and spend time with.
Well, how strange this past week, he was ill. By Wednesday, he decided to visit his doctor to see what was going on. I just can't believe it when he's admitted into the critical care section of the hospital. I wanted to go see him so bad, to talk with him, to encourage him, to give him a big hug---but it was family members only. That Saturday night I received the very shocking news that he had passed away in his sleep. It is now Tuesday, and the viewing is tonight and I'm still "very" shocked. This is so traumatizing for me, to lose the person whom I was beginning to think about the future with, whom I thought might finally be "the one." I keep thinking maybe its a dream and I'll wake up soon and he'll still be there, but I know it's not true. It hurts so much to lose someone you started to really care for and so unexpectedly. I want to keep holding on to the promise that we will meet again some day, but I can't help but be selfish and focus on "what about now?" I just want to keep writing and writing about how wonderful my time with Phil was----I'm not sure why. Maybe it's a way of me dealing with my grief so fresh. Maybe I just want to tell the world about how nice he was. I'm not sure. But anyway, I am still grieving, very much so. I hope he is allowed to see from where he is at all the love and concern for him that is/was here on earth---I know it would mean very much to him, especially since we never had a chance to officially say goodbye. I will miss him very, very much.
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