Reset Password
Reset Link Sent
| Blogs > 1remnant > My Blog |
|
In The Midst of A Storm Sept. 14, 2007 Ok here goes not sure what to write but the title came to me; as I was thinking about my life and how similar it's to others. We all grew up with fairy tale dreams for our lives, that one day we would meet the right person; and "live happily ever after". I used to wish and hope for a prince on a white to come and take me away from my life; and how our wedding day would be picture perfect. I didn't have an easy life some might say quite the tear jerker. I did drugs slept around, had affairs mostly emotional but none the less the same thing. I was hooked on pornography and on line sex, I was suicidal my life was going nowhere. In the midst of it all I could always feel something with me; a presence you could say. When I was a little girl I was living with my grandparents and my mother. My grandfather was a vietnam vet he drank heavily, my guess to drown out the pain and nightmares that he encountered. My mother was mentally ill and would physically abuse me. At times my grandfather and mother would get into fights, those fights became so bad at times the police would come. I would usually go play outside I was but only 4 or 5 years of age but I remember those times vividly. Even though I would run out of the house and cuddle up with my I could still feel a presence with me a comforting one in the midst of the storm. Years went by and I got adopted by my aunt and uncle things where going well for a while then teenage hood hit. Between raging hormones and peer pressure not being a Christian a recipe for death. I underwent abuse with them as well, by this time my scars were not just emotional but physical as well. So painful these times where that I blocked them from my memory forever. Time after time psychologist and therapist alike would say "some day those memories will come back, that it was too painful that is why they were blocked out". To this day I have not had total recall thank God for that. In my life I have experienced so much darkness and despair. Not knowing much about the Lord I turned to the dark side of things, got into witch craft and oiga boards, tarot cards and such to find meaning for my life. Many a close calls happen and through it I knew some thing was sustaining me, keeping me together for some reason. In one of my depression bouts I angrily shook my fist at God in the air and said "not even you're going to be able to stop me" directly at God. Next day instead of going through with my plans for death, I felt a sense of urgency to help my boyfriend out; needles to say God won and beat me on my plan. Years went by, had a she almost dies and still not knowing the reason for my being; and I still recalled those times when I walked alone searching for purpose in a unfeeling world. Many storms have come and gone it was a clear winters day when I gave my heart to the Lord. Seeing two men on tv with purpose and with the same things that I struggled with set free and have peace; that was enough for me. through it all I know that he was there with me. When I lost my baby in the hospital at the end of my seventh month, in the midst of that the one I hung on to and cried out to was "daddy" abba. Now I'm going through the biggest storm in my life and I'm crying out to my daddy the one that sees everything, the one that counts and collects all my tears. I don't know where I'm going or who I'm going with, down that path that leads to life; but I know through it all that he is there with me. As he has been all through my life; when I almost died in a car accident, when I tried to take my own life, through all those sleepless nights he has been there right there with me. Their are so many uncertainties in ones life but one thing, remains the same God's love for us will never change. I'm thankful to him for being with me through all the years, in the midst of the storm you can hear a small still voice saying "I love you, and I'm here with you". I don't know why I wrote this just felt the need to. I hope this helps somebody out there, in the midst of a storm. His love for us will never change and he never turns away from a broken hearted person ever! 
|
|||
9/14/2007 5:57 am |
Thanks for writing it out. Some go thru terrible things to get to God. Many have to do it that way, for reasons that are only understood later on. At least you know that God is with you, and that jesus said...follow me, and I will lead you to eternal life....and ....I will never leave you or forsake you ! We trust in Him, and that's a guaranteed way for true success in life. Faith will eventually turn to sight, I guarantee it ! God does not lie. It happened for the 11, and has been happening to many more, ever since...it just takes time and following. God bless you, and congrats for getting on the narrow path that never fails !!!  Follow On Down in the valley with my Savior I would go, Where the flowers are blooming and the sweet waters flow; Everywhere He leads me I would follow, follow on, Walking in His footsteps till the crown be won. Refrain Follow! follow! I would follow Jesus! Anywhere, everywhere, I would follow on! Follow! follow! I would follow Jesus! Everywhere He leads me I would follow on! Down in the valley with my Savior I would go, Where the storms are sweeping and the dark waters flow; With His hand to lead me I will never, never fear, Danger cannot fright me if my Lord is near. Refrain Down in the valley, or upon the mountain steep, Close beside my Savior would my soul ever keep; He will lead me safely in the path that He has trod, Up to where they gather on the hills of God.
| ||
|
awesome story, thanks for sharing and welcome to blogland, i pray that it helps somebody as well, cheers May the Lord bless you and keep you
| ||
9/25/2007 8:10 pm |
1remnant - thanks for sharing your story. I identified with so much of it. I am so glad you know abba and know to call out to Him. I'm really glad you're here. Please keep posting. To God be the glory! Please see: My Will is not Always His Way but He Will be There With Me and His Plan is Better Anyway and Where in the World is DraeDrae
| ||
10/2/2007 6:58 pm |
Thanks to all for posting as for you comments to God be the Glory; without him where would we be?
| ||
10/9/2007 10:45 pm |
Becky, Your post was touching and true. God does have our backs I'm glad to have you as a sister and look forward to meeting you if not in this life then in our eternal one.
| ||
12/27/2007 12:30 am |
Dear Gracious, What an absolute beautiful comment that was about "Love is not love unless they choose it" Wow so true that goes in so many ways but the love that never fails us and keeps giving and is better than anything on earth, is Jesus love for us. He so loved us that he gave his only begotten son, that who so ever believes in him, shall not parish but have ever lasting life. God is a good God..... We will never understand the depths of his love maybe one day but maybe not, what if he decides to keep that a secret. He trully is the best thing that has ever happend in my life or will ever be hands down. I'm so amazed at how he keeps being with us inspite of our flaws and what we do his love is keeps us through the hard times and is there when we need it all we have to do is reach out and take it. That is trully our choice and it's not much but means the world to him to accept his love.....God Bless you
|
|
