Reset Password
Reset Link Sent
| Blogs > eyes4thelord2 > testamony |
|
MY TESTAMONY   MY TESTAMONY 'I really missed spending time with my , but R made sure he took that away from me, in a slow process. The guilt of pushing my away because of what R was doing to me, drove me to start thinking of revenge and drugs. I needed something to take the pain away... I was already on codeine for a knee operation I had in 1987. I started to "Doctor Shop" telling so many lies to my doctor's and myself, anyway that I could get a hold of codeine... My 's grades were going down fast, he was working at Hungry Jacks from age 16. His boss and friends were tellin gme that M was looking withdrawn and very stressed. Great, i thought to myself... look what I am doing to my , making his life a living hell, he deserves so much better that a pathetic no good person, I gave up calling myself mother, I didn't deserve that name. Eventually i wanted more of a buzz, wanted to be more off my face, I found something, Cocaine.. and codeine, I was so intimidated by R. I find it hard now to remember years, dates and more as the trauma of the last ten years with R killed all inside of me. Finally my 's desperation and my own self hatred showed me that we needed to 'fix' this. I decided to leave and go to Brisbane to find help with my addiction, but my couldn't go with me. It was hard, but we said our goodbyes, and we told R that I was going on holiday and would be home soon... I was never comming back to that relationship... I found myself at Pindari, a women's shelter in Brisbane and they started to help me off the cocaine. I remember doing some classes witht he staff, self help groups, yet was still holding all the anger and pain inside, I would cover that with my pretend laughter. One day I was just in my room crying feeling like this planet is better off with me erased from it... When we were invited to go to 'the Temple' to hear 'Bronwen Healy' share her story. I thought, why would I want to hear about someone talk about all the stuff I was going through... But I agreed to go Bronwen's story amazed me. She had survived and had written a book. I ran downstairs before anyone else got there. This beautiful lady brought me her book 'trophy of grace' and Bronwen signed it for me saying 'looking forward to doing to journey with you...'. I treasured that book and carried it around everywhere with me. I have passed many of her books onto lots of people so they too can hear her story, and realise everything is possible, never to give up Hope, Love and Faith. I wear the Hope Foundation band and carry the book with pride, I have been planning some goals; they are; to build up my relationship with my , to forgive myself and to walk tall and proud in the eyes of God, and continue to help out with the Hope Foundation. Here is a poem I wrote for women that are on a journey similar to ours: TRUST HOPE AND FAITH My sweet friend You have such a huge heart I could see how genuine you were From the very start I can see the pain in your eyes The tears not too far away Please remember I'm always here for you I will never turn and walk away I love our chats Love when we carry on and laugh Sweetie please let go of the pain and hurt No more hiding behind that mask I know there are many hard distractions That can easily soften the pain It's so easy to repeat our mistakes Over and over again Please keep your hope and faith Self esteem and trust Take a deep breath, step back Gotta think of you, it's a must I love you as a very special friend I will never let that go You're a beautiful woman That's something that so does show............. 
|
|
