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Emotional Vampires "Emotional Vampires"...Do we have them here at BC (Naaaaah, we are all mildly mannered Christian boys and girls who wouldn't think of manipulating our fellow sisters and brothers in Christ)? Or would some of us? We could probably all name one or two The following are excerpts from a book titled "Emotional Vampires" by Albert J Burnstein. It is an amazing look in to the mind of manipulative people and the harm they do to themselves and other people. It's not sanctioned by God, but perhaps it will help some of those who are dealing or have dealt with these sort of personalities in the past. It's going to be long. Some of you will get bored and others will want to run out and purchase the book before you get passed the 1st chapter: Here goes: There are 5 types of Emotional Vampires. Take the quizes and find which type you are subjected to. Skip to "HOW TO PROTECT YOURSELF" at the end. EMOTIONAL VAMPIRES... Not just annoying people, but darkly seductive. Emotional Vampires draw you in with charm, beauty, talent and pulse pounding excitement. Then they drain you ‒ not of blood but of every last drop of emotional energy. You know them ‒ Sexy, but unreliable lovers, drama queens who use emotions like Afghan Rebels use Kalishnikovs, jealous spouses, demanding parents, manipulative coworkers, and bosses with gigantic egos, who are so small everywhere else. It’s almost supernatural how quickly Emotional Vampires can get you to trust them, then, just as quickly, get under your skin and drain you dry. It’s downright scary how quickly they can trick you into letting them come back and do it again. Psychologists would diagnose Emotional Vampires with Personality Disorders, those strange mental illnesses drive other people crazy. To protect yourself from of the night, you must understand what personality disorders are, and how they operate. With checklists, examples, humor, and detailed, step-by-step instructions, Dr. Albert J. Bernstein, Psychologist and best-selling author will tell you all you need to know to save yourself from a tremendous pain in the neck. BULLIES are addicted to the raw thrill of seeing you squirm. LOOK FOR: Anger, threats, and yelling. DRAW YOU IN WITH: The illusion that they are powerful. DRAIN YOU BY: Making you afraid. THE ONES YOU SEE EVERY DAY: The guy in the pickup who flips you off, and the petty tyrant who runs the finance department. DEFENSIVE STRATEGY: Remember that the real battle with bullies is not in the dust of the playground, but in your own mind. Anti-Social Vampires are called that not because they don't like parties, but because they are heedless of normal social rules. They love parties, and any other source of excitement and fun. They hate boredom worse than a stake through the heart. DAREDEVILS are attracted to thrills like lemmings to cliffs. LOOK FOR: Sex, drugs, and rock ‘n’ roll. DRAW YOU IN WITH: Fun, excitement, and adorable adolescent rebelliousness. DRAIN YOU BY: Overdoing everything exciting, and underdoing everything else. THE ONES YOU SEE EVERY DAY: Cowboys, cowgirls, day traders, party animals, rebels without a cause, and that one lover you just can't seem to forget. DEFENSIVE STRATEGY: Keep your brain engaged even when theirs are turned off. Especially then. USED-CAR SALESMEN their drug of choice is putting one over on you. LOOK FOR: People who swear they're telling the truth. Think about it, who but a liar would expect to be doubted? DRAW YOU IN WITH: Instant rapport, smiling sincerity, and the sweet prospect of something for nothing. DRAIN YOU BY: Lying, cheating, stealing, and perhaps getting you to engage in a bit of subterfuge yourself. THE ONES YOU SEE EVERY DAY: Anybody who asks you if you've thought about your financial future. DEFENSIVE STRATEGY: Always read the fine print, and remember, if a deal sounds too good to be true, it is. LISTENING TO THE CALL OF THE WILD: THE ANTI-SOCIAL EMOTIONAL VAMPIRE CHECKLIST True or false? Score one point for each true answer. 1. THIS PERSON BELIEVES THAT RULES WERE MADE TO BE BROKEN. 2. THIS PERSON IS ADEPT AT USING EXCUSES TO AVOID DOING WHAT HE OR SHE DOESN'T WANT TO DO. 3. THIS PERSON HAS HAD LEGAL PROBLEMS. 4. THIS PERSON REGULARLY ENGAGES IN DANGEROUS ACTIVITIES FOR THEIR THRILL VALUE. 5. THIS PERSON CAN TURN ON BRILLIANT BURSTS OF CHARM TO GET HIS OR HER WAY. 6. THIS PERSON IS NOT VERY GOOD AT MANAGING HIS OR HER FINANCES. 7. THIS PERSON SMOKES WITHOUT APOLOGY. 8. THIS PERSON HAS ONE OR MORE OTHER ADDICTIONS. 9. THIS PERSON HAS HAD MORE SEX PARTNERS THAN MOST PEOPLE. 10. THIS PERSON SELDOM WORRIES. 11. THIS PERSON ACTUALLY BELIEVES THAT SOME PROBLEMS CAN BE SETTLED WITH A FIST FIGHT. 12. THIS PERSON SEES NO PROBLEM WITH LYING TO ACHIEVE A GOAL. 13. THIS PERSON JUSTIFIES DOING BAD THINGS TO PEOPLE BECAUSE THEY WOULD DO IT TOO IF THEY HAD THE CHANCE. 14. THIS PERSON CAN CONSCIOUSLY THROW A TANTRUM TO GET HIS OR HER WAY. 15. THIS PERSON DOESN'T UNDERSTAND THE CONCEPT OF LOOKING BEFORE YOU LEAP. 16. THIS PERSON BELIEVES IN HAVING FUN FIRST AND DOING THE WORK LATER. 17. THIS PERSON HAS BEEN FIRED FROM A JOB, OR HAS QUIT IMPULSIVELY. 18. THIS PERSON REFUSES TO COMPLY WITH ANY SORT OF DRESS CODE. 19. THIS PERSON REGULARLY MAKES PROMISES THAT HE OR SHE NEVER KEEPS. 20. DESPITE ALL THESE FAULTS, THIS PERSON IS STILL ONE OF THE MOST EXCITING PEOPLE I HAVE EVER MET. Scoring: Five or more true answers qualifies the person as an Anti-Social Emotional Vampire, though not necessarily for a diagnosis of Anti-Social Personality. If the person scores higher than ten, hold onto your wallet, and your heart. HISTRIONIC VAMPIRES: Histrionic means dramatic. With these vampires everything’s a show, and what you see is seldom what you get. They crave attention and approval and will do anything to get them, except making good on their promises. HAMS live to put on a show. If you don't pay enough attention they'll, they'll just shrivel up and die. It will be your fault. LOOK FOR: Sexual stereotypes, and highly noticeable looks that can change overnight according to whim, or remain the same for years through the magic of cosmetic surgery. Histrionics have big hair, big muscles, big emotions and not the tiniest clue of who they really are. DRAW YOU IN WITH: Charm, beauty, talent, the promise of sex (often unfulfilled), or whatever else it takes to get noticed, except for substance. DRAIN YOU BY: Needing more maintenance than a classic car or a rare orchid, but having almost nothing to give back save an occasional great performance. THE ONES YOU SEE EVERY DAY: Celebrity wannabes and drama queens (and kings) whose emotions are a mile wide and an inch deep. DEFENSIVE STRATEGY: Histrionic lives are soap operas. Watch, but don't join the cast LIVING A SOAP OPERA: THE HISTRIONIC VAMPIRE CHECKLIST True or false? Score one point for each true answer. 1. THIS PERSON USUALLY STANDS OUT IN A CROWD BY VIRTUE OF LOOKS, DRESS, OR PERSONALITY. 2. THIS PERSON IS FRIENDLY, ENTHUSIASTIC, ENTERTAINING AND ABSOLUTELY WONDERFUL IN SOCIAL SITUATIONS. 3. THIS PERSON TREATS SUPERFICIAL ACQUAINTANCES AS IF THEY WERE CLOSE FRIENDS. 4. THIS PERSON MAY BECOME VISIBLY UPSET WHEN FORCED TO SHARE THE CENTER OF ATTENTION. 5. THIS PERSON FREQUENTLY CHANGES HIS OR HER STYLE OF DRESS AND OVERALL LOOK. 6. THIS PERSON LOVES TO TALK, GOSSIP, AND TELL STORIES. 7. THE STORIES USUALLY BECOME MORE EXAGGERATED AND DRAMATIC WITH EACH RETELLING. 8. THIS PERSON HAS A GOOD FASHION SENSE, BUT PERHAPS A BIT TOO MUCH CONCERN WITH HIS OR HER APPEARANCE. 9. THIS PERSON CAN BECOME VERY UPSET OVER RELATIVELY SMALL SOCIAL SLIGHTS. 10. THIS PERSON SELDOM ADMITS TO BEING ANGRY, EVEN WHEN HIS OR HER ANGER IS QUITE APPARENT TO OTHER PEOPLE. 11.THIS PERSON HAS VERY LITTLE MEMORY FOR DAY TO DAY DETAILS. 12. THIS PERSON BELIEVES IN SUPERNATURAL ENTITIES, LIKE ANGELS, DEITIES, OR BENEVOLENT SPIRITS WHO REGULARLY INTERVENE IN EVERYDAY LIFE. 13. THIS PERSON HAS ONE OR MORE UNUSUAL AILMENT THAT COMES AND GOES ACCORDING TO NO DISCERNABLE PATTERN. 14. THIS PERSON HAS SOME PROBLEMS DOING REGULAR CHORES LIKE PAPERWORK, HOUSECLEANING, OR PAYING BILLS. 15. THIS PERSON HAS BEEN KNOWN TO GET SICK TO AVOID DOING SOMETHING UNPLEASANT. 16. THIS PERSON FERVENTLY FOLLOWS SEVERAL TELEVISION SHOWS OR SPORTS TEAMS. 17. THIS PERSON'S COMMUNICATION, THOUGH HIGHLY COLORED, IS OFTEN INDIRECT AND VAGUE. 18. THIS PERSON REQUIRES MORE MAINTENANCE THAN A RARE ORCHID, BUT BELIEVES HE OR SHE IS THE EASIEST PERSON IN THE WORLD TO GET ALONG WITH. 19. THIS PERSON OFTEN SEEMS SEDUCTIVE, WHETHER HE OR SHE WOULD ADMIT TO IT OR NOT. 20. DESPITE ALL THE PROBLEMS, THIS PERSON IS ALWAYS IN DEMAND, AND MORE POPULAR THAN I COULD EVER HOPE TO BE. Scoring: Five or more true answers qualifies the person as a Histrionic Emotional Vampire, though not necessarily for a diagnosis of Histrionic Personality. If the person scores higher than ten, be careful that you don't inadvertently join the cast of his or her soap opera. PASSIVE-AGGRESSIVES long for approval so much that they hide any part of themselves that anyone would disapprove of, especially anger and sexuality. LOOK FOR: Bright smiles, blatant denial, and more than a passing resemblance to Barbie or Ken DRAW YOU IN WITH: Being nice, friendly, cheerful, enthusiastic, brave, clean, and reverent. DRAIN YOU BY: Attacks that everyone else sees, but they never acknowledge, or by simply being too forgetful to give you what they promise. Or maybe they're sick with some vague and undiagnosible illness. THE ONES YOU SEE EVERY DAY: People who never get angry themselves, but seem to make everybody else angry. “Unintentional” sexual harassers, Church Ladies who cast stones, pure and perfect anorexics, or anyone else who would never think of doing anything unacceptable. DEFENSIVE STRATEGY: First and foremost, never try to get Passive-Aggressives to admit to their own motivation; you will only get a headache. Remember that they hunger for approval. Tell them explicitly what it takes to please you and praise them profusely when they do it. The strategy is simple and almost foolproof, but it is seldom employed because it's hard to praise somebody who gives you headaches. Hard as it is, it's far easier than the alternative. Narcissistic Vampires have huge egos and tiny consciences. It's not they're actively trying to hurt people; they just never consider other people at all, unless they want something. LEGENDS IN THEIR OWN MINDS with talent like theirs, who needs performance? LOOK FOR: Self-proclaimed genius, with membership in MENSA listed as greatest life achievement. DRAW YOU IN WITH: Talent and potential. DRAIN YOU BY: Blaming everybody else for their inability to realize that potential. THE ONE YOU SEE EVERY DAY: Your brother-in-law, the genius who can't hold down a job. DEFENSIVE STRATEGY: Getting them to do the parts they don't like first, and paying attention to performance rather than talk. SUPERSTARS do what it takes to climb the ladder of success ‒ whatever it takes, especially taking advantage other people. LOOK FOR: Success, achieved at all costs. DRAW YOU IN WITH: Talent, charisma, and acting as if you were as cool as they think they are. DRAIN YOU BY: Perpetually seeing their needs as more important than anybody else's, and not giving a rip once they've gotten what they want. THE ONE YOU'RE MOST LIKELY TO SEE EVERY DAY: Politicians, prima-donnas, and hard-driving competitors who throw tantrums when they lose, DEFENSIVE STRATEGY: Keep a ledger book in your mind. Make sure Superstars pay up front for anything they want from you. Never accept promises or extend credit. THE SMARTEST, MOST TALENTED, ALL-AROUND BEST PERSON IN THE WORLD TEST: THE NARCISSISTIC VAMPIRE CHECKLIST True or false? Score one point for each true answer. 1. THIS PERSON HAS ACHIEVED MORE THAN MOST PEOPLE HIS OR HER AGE. 2. THIS PERSON IS FIRMLY CONVINCED THAT HE OR SHE IS BETTER, SMARTER, OR MORE TALENTED THAN OTHER PEOPLE. 3. THIS PERSON LOVES COMPETITION, BUT IS A POOR LOSER. 4. THIS PERSON HAS FANTASIES OF DOING SOMETHING GREAT OR BEING FAMOUS, AND OFTEN EXPECTS TO BE TREATED AS IF THESE FANTASIES HAD ALREADY COME TRUE. 5. THIS PERSON HAS VERY LITTLE INTEREST IN WHAT OTHER PEOPLE ARE THINKING OR FEELING, UNLESS HE OR SHE WANTS SOMETHING FROM THEM. 6. THIS PERSON IS A NAME DROPPER. 7. TO THIS PERSON IT IS VERY IMPORTANT TO LIVE IN THE RIGHT PLACE AND ASSOCIATE WITH THE RIGHT PEOPLE. 8. THIS PERSON TAKES ADVANTAGE OF OTHER PEOPLE TO ACHIEVE HIS OR HER OWN GOALS. 9. THIS PERSON USUALLY MANAGES TO BE IN A CATEGORY BY HIM OR HERSELF. 10. THIS PERSON OFTEN FEELS PUT UPON WHEN ASKED TO TAKE CARE OF HIS OR HER RESPONSIBILITIES TO FAMILY, FRIENDS, OR WORK GROUP. 11. THIS PERSON REGULARLY DISREGARDS RULES OR EXPECTS THEM TO BE CHANGED BECAUSE HE OR SHE IS IN SOME WAY SPECIAL. 12. THIS PERSON BECOMES IRRITATED WHEN OTHER PEOPLE DON'T AUTOMATICALLY DO WHAT HE OR SHE WANTS THEM TO DO, EVEN WHEN THEY HAVE A GOOD REASON FOR NOT COMPLYING. 13. THIS PERSON REVIEWS SPORTS, ART, AND LITERATURE BY TELLING YOU WHAT HE OR SHE WOULD HAVE DONE INSTEAD. 14. THIS PERSON THINKS MOST CRITICISMS OF HIM OR HER ARE MOTIVATED BY JEALOUSY. 15. THIS PERSON REGARDS ANYTHING SHORT OF WORSHIP TO BE REJECTION. 16. THIS PERSON SUFFERS FROM A CONGENITAL INABILITY TO RECOGNIZE HIS OR HER OWN MISTAKES. ON THE RARE OCCASIONS THAT THIS PERSON DOES RECOGNIZE A MISTAKE, EVEN THE SLIGHTEST ERROR CAN PRECIPITATE A MAJOR DEPRESSION. 17. THIS PERSON OFTEN EXPLAINS WHY PEOPLE WHO ARE BETTER KNOWN THAN HE OR SHE IS ARE NOT REALLY ALL THAT GREAT. 18. THIS PERSON OFTEN COMPLAINS OF BEING MISTREATED OR MISUNDERSTOOD. 19. PEOPLE EITHER LOVE OR HATE THIS PERSON. 20. DESPITE THIS PERSON'S OVERLY HIGH OPINION OF HIM OR HERSELF, HE OR SHE IS REALLY QUITE INTELLIGENT AND TALENTED. Scoring: Five or more true answers qualifies the person as a Narcissistic Emotional Vampire, though not necessarily for a diagnosis of Narcissistic Personality. If the person scores higher than ten, and is not a member of the royal family, be careful that you aren't mistaken for one of the servants. Obsessive-Compulsive Vampires are perfectionists who dot every i, cross every t, but can't seem to see the forest for the for the superfluous overabundance of trees. LOOK FOR: Overwork and emotional constipation. DRAW YOU IN WITH: Competence, hard work, and attention to detail. DRAIN YOU BY: Punishing everybody who's not as competent as they are. THE ONES YOU SEE EVERY DAY: Puritans, perfectionists, and control freaks. DEFENSIVE STRATEGY: Negotiate to deliver a product, then resist attempts to control the process. VICE MASQUERADING AS VIRTUE: THE OBSESSIVE-COMPULSIVE VAMPIRE CHECKLIST True or false? Score one point for each true answer. 1. THIS PERSON IS A WORKAHOLIC. 2. THIS PERSON HAS A HARD TIME RELAXING. 3. THIS PERSON BELIEVES THERE'S A RIGHT WAY AND A WRONG WAY TO DO EVERYTHING. 4. THIS PERSON CAN USUALLY FIND SOMETHING WRONG WITH OTHER PEOPLE'S WAY OF DOING ANYTHING. 5. THIS PERSON TAKES AN INORDINATELY LONG TIME TO MAKE UP HIS OR HER MIND, EVEN ABOUT SMALL MATTERS. 6. ONCE THIS PERSON HAS MADE UP HIS OR HER MIND, IT'S ALMOST IMPOSSIBLE TO CHANGE IT. 7. THIS PERSON SELDOM GIVES A SIMPLE YES OR NO ANSWER. 8. THIS PERSON'S ATTENTION TO DETAIL MAY BE ANNOYING, BUT IT HAS SAVED PEOPLE FROM MAKING DANGEROUS OR COSTLY MISTAKES. 9. THIS PERSON HAS A VERY CLEAR MORAL CODE. 10. THIS PERSON NEVER SEEMS TO THROW ANYTHING AWAY. 11. THIS PERSON RUNS HIS OR HER LIFE ACCORDING TO THE ADAGE, “IF YOU WANT SOMETHING RIGHT, DO IT YOURSELF”. 12. THIS PERSON CAN SPEND ALMOST AS MUCH TIME ORGANIZING A TASK AS DOING IT. 13. THIS PERSON ALWAYS LOOKS NEAT AND WELL ORGANIZED. 14. IN MEETINGS, THIS PERSON WILL OFTEN SUGGEST DELAYING ACTION UNTIL MORE INFORMATION CAN Prayer causes Faith to work! |
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Good post! I have known a few in my past, in fact Hellen did a post on this book several years ago that helped me to identify traits of a past boyfriend. I have also met a few in the work world. Posts like these are educational. I am sure others will be able to relate as well. Blessings to you, Sheri (¯`•♥•´¯) ¤`•.♥.•´ ¤ (¯`•♥•´¯)
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Good post. Sorry to see that you have been caught up in the fiasco. Sad really for all involved and for the body here. Blessings, Louise The body of Christ is like a patchwork quilt! All stitched together with God's love.
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