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| Blogs > jessiemomof2 > Chosing a stepdad for my kids |
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Chosing a stepdad for my I am a recently divorced (well still going through it)and I have 2 by this man. We have continued this viscous cycle of on again... off again for the past 4 years. It is ridiculous. So in O October of 07 I married him hoping God would look at the commitment we finally made to each other and give us closure to all of the hurtful things we had done to each other through out the years. Well I do believe in miracles but it did not happen over night, actually it did not happen at all. I got in my Bible and realized we needed to grow spiritually, and that did not happen either. So 3 months after we got married we decided to split for, I dint know, the 5th or 6th time in 3 years. I felt like such a failure this time. Well I ran into a man and we got pretty serious pretty fast. He is great with my and he really wants to be in our lives forever. He is amazing and I feel guilty. Kinda like I am cheating on the father of my . I am having a hard time accepting all the wonderful things he has to offer because I still think I should make it work with their dad. ALL THE TIME! My new man is everything I ever wanted in a partner and I do love him. A couple days ago I told him that I wanted to end our relationship because I felt the need to "MAKE IT WORK" with the father of my for the 7th time in 3 years. He cried and told me that God had sent him in my life and told him the things we needed with one being that I needed someone to grow with spiritually.He also reminded me of the carbon copy of a lifestyle I have lived and will continue to live for the rest of my life if I dont stop beating myself up for my failures. Well now he feels like the failure. I honestly do not have one reason to let him go other than going back to the father of my and a life I wanted out of every day I was in it, but I feel that is where I belong. I cant continue to do this to my . It is selfish but I am so confused. Why would God give me for another man (not their dad) to raise them. I really want to have that perfect family for my . Mommy, Daddy, . I want that and my mind is set to that but I know it will never be. So why cant I accept this wonderful gift God has laid before me? This man of mine is a gift and he wants to go to church and grow spiritually with me. But I still think it should be the other way, and once my mind is set it is what I go for. I don't want to lose this man in my life but I think I am about to if I do not change my way of thinking.Any advice would be greatly appreciated |
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7/19/2008 12:29 am |
 Hi -I like the way you wanna live life. You are a pretty strong woman. You wanna make it work! You make good desicions.I think you are on the right path As Yeshua said: "Fallow me..." Mya the LORD bless you from heaven and protect you, and help you in all your situations(with love ).[/COLOR]
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7/14/2008 6:28 am |
Well as you can see I banned the rivals from this blog. Wonder who got the last word? Lol. Guess they will have to take it somewhere else. I have got so much inspiration from my first blog. Thanks for the honesty. I accept that. I have recently (finally) started searching, with al of my heart, for a way out of this unhealthy dependency. So laying in bed last night..... it hit me that I have never trusted God! By that I mean trusted him to take care of every situation in my life, but I have trusted people that I can see and touch. Stepping out in faith is almost impossiable for me and that is what makes wise christians very special in my eyes and ones to look up to. I cant say I am there yet. I hope I dont get any dirt for that but I bet you all were there before. Does that mean I am not a christian? If I dont give it all to God and have faith that he will be my provider?
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So for those of you that dont know... I posted another blog on this topic. But here is the update once again. The "other man" has taken a few steps back. We no longer have a title on our relationship. We have had many conversations about our situation and he respects the fact that I think we moved way too fast and he respects the fact that I want to do the right things in life and I want to live for God and allow him to come in and heal my broken heart. So he has moved out and now has his own place around the corner. We are closer than we ever were before and I like it that way. I feel like Im doing the right things now and I do have faith that God will provide for me and my kids. Don has helped us so much. He is truly an inspiration. Just all happened a little too fast and when I was in a very vounerable position. He was my solid ground. We can look back on it all now and agree that he was sent to be a good friend for now. Well maybe a little more than a friend, but one that lives around the corner now instead of with me and the boys and one that had enough respect to take a few steps back, and I love him for that. So that is where my story is today. I spend way more time with God on a daily basis than I spend with Don or my kids. He is always there with me and I want to make him proud so he will use me to do his good works through. Im geting there. MUAH!!! Jessie
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From time to time it is necessary to refresh and to bring into focus again the Principal Principle of our faith, as also what are the fruits related to our commitment. Heal the roots and not the fruits!!! We can always discuss secondary topics separately and in due time. But are we going to be "faithful disciples in the world", let's not forget to preach Hope and Full victory in Jesus Christ, and NOT in our own human possibilities! Especially to the non-Christians, to the aspirant Christians and to the new Christians! ___________________________ I'll paste an old link and a new comment I made this morning: Please brethren, let's not forget and let's always keep in mind that Jesus said clearly that He hadn't come to judge the world, but that the world might be saved by him: And if any man hear my words, and believe not, I judge him not: for I came not to judge the world, but to save the world. (John 12:47 ) Lately the Holy spirit is indeed telling all of "us" strongly again (who already believe in His words), NOT to get too lost in humans' words, going around in rhetorical circles and getting distracted and off track in our sealed commitment and faithful walk... This morning I was just led to one of my older posts which provided beautiful and inspirational comments. Welcome back! Maybe I should repost it? ---> WE JUST CAN'T AVOID TO LOVE EACH OTHER N.B.: Keep in mind that the comments' order, top/bottom, is reversed on my blog!  ______________ 
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6/26/2008 12:24 am |
Make the Lord first in your life, and have faith. We all have to unload before we reload. GBY H
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6/26/2008 12:10 am |
Well, I see I'm a little late getting into the fray of things here. If it helps at all, I have been a Christian since I was 20, and I still struggle with the stepping-out-in-faith situations I find myself in so often. So don't think you are somehow less of a Christian than anyone else. It really sounds as tho' you are facing the same struggles that every believer has gone thro', and most likely still experiencing. You can learn from Terrie which ones on Big Church you can trust. I will pray for wisdom for you. GBU, Gary Eph 2:10 We are his workmanship (poiema, or poem, or work of art) created in Christ Jesus. God is an artist and you are His masterpiece!
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Greetings RaceFansJessie, Well I see you have met some personalities here already. Knock, knock...Here comes another.. I did not notice where you say how long you have been a Christian, but no matter. Ask your self this; "Where are you in you walk?". I mean as to, have you been weaned, eating solid food, or just starting on the milk bottle? You decide. But think on this. If you are on milk, where every Christian must start, then wait to be weened before continuing your search for a human relationship. If you are weened, and ready for solid food, then, may be, consider looking to see if you are ready for a human relationship. And always remember, that just because you have been weened, and eat solid food, does not mean you are ready for a human relationship. Nothing wrong with patience, once you have started to build your house on the True Foundation Stone. Seek God first, then see who seeks a woman of God. Hey, but many others have already told you this, in our own styles.. No King but CHRIST JESUS!!!
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6/24/2008 10:32 pm |
sturpid typos sorry about that
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6/24/2008 10:31 pm |
no..youn are a christiannnif you didnt eorry if you wrent concerned about it at all then ild worry about it....yes we have all been thetr ...struggling in our faith ... and to be frank with you the real ones go up and down with their faith...God tests us at times really hard and sumtimes we get into a pickle all by ourselves and God allows us to get in a bind. just keep pluuging along ok jessie!?...Keep the faith let it grow...and even if its as small as a mustard seed...you know...it will be come in the end ...huge. God bl;ess you and keep you...ps remember to get that christian counciling too and descern wisely make sure the councilor is a real christian not a crackpot!
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6/24/2008 7:37 pm |
Well as you can see I banned the rivals from this blog. Wonder who got the last word? Lol. Guess they will have to take it somewhere else. I have got so much inspiration from my first blog. Thanks for the honesty. I accept that. I have recently (finally) started searching, with al of my heart, for a way out of this unhealthy dependency. So laying in bed last night..... it hit me that I have never trusted God! By that I mean trusted him to take care of every situation in my life, but I have trusted people that I can see and touch. Stepping out in faith is almost impossiable for me and that is what makes wise christians very special in my eyes and ones to look up to. I cant say I am there yet. I hope I dont get any dirt for that but I bet you all were there before. Does that mean I am not a christian? If I dont give it all to God and have faith that he will be my provider? Not claiming to have it all together either, but I have worked in singles ministry on and off. It's much easier to give advice than take it. Very, very few have 'arrived' spiritually.
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Well as you can see I banned the rivals from this blog. Wonder who got the last word? Lol. Guess they will have to take it somewhere else. I have got so much inspiration from my first blog. Thanks for the honesty. I accept that. I have recently (finally) started searching, with al of my heart, for a way out of this unhealthy dependency. So laying in bed last night..... it hit me that I have never trusted God! By that I mean trusted him to take care of every situation in my life, but I have trusted people that I can see and touch. Stepping out in faith is almost impossiable for me and that is what makes wise christians very special in my eyes and ones to look up to. I cant say I am there yet. I hope I dont get any dirt for that but I bet you all were there before. Does that mean I am not a christian? If I dont give it all to God and have faith that he will be my provider?
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Since this is till going on... but nothing has been achieved... and "God" hasn't said anything yet that made any importance... well... Why not writing to Dr. Phil?
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6/24/2008 11:41 am |
I personally thought that Walking Man gave great advice. Take it from me, he's right, I have been having kind of the same problem of rushing into something way to fast without first getting over the other relationship and now Im in the middle of a very confusing situation. Going shopping on an empty stomach is a perfect way to put it, actually. And to be honest, Gordy and SweetHoney, cant you see this girl is confused? You two should be taking your arguement elsewhere. Heavens, this isnt the place to do that. Jn:14:15: If ye love me, keep my commandments. --Jesus.
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6/24/2008 11:39 am |
I personally thought that Walking Man gave great advice. And to be honest, Gordy and SweetHoney, cant you see this girl is confused? You two should be taking your arguement elsewhere. Heavens, this isnt the place to do that. Jn:14:15: If ye love me, keep my commandments. --Jesus.
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LOL!!! Paulus invented a new religion??? WOW!!! That was a good one!!! Who said that, Pastor Martin Scorsese???   I just peed in my pants... is it a sin??? 
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6/24/2008 10:20 am |
Hello Jessie, Seems this blog got off the beaten path...LOL.LOL Hope someone has been helpful to you...LOL Anyways you know who to call! Im a inexeperience christian,,but i know and you as well not to listen to angry people! Good to see you have a sense of humor. I guess that makes you more mature than some folks. Have a great day, Alan ‘HE will rule them with an iron scepter.’... He treads the winepress of the fury of the wrath of God Almighty.... On HIS robe and on HIS thigh HE has this name written:... KING OF KINGS AND LORD OF LORDS."
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6/24/2008 8:23 am |
Suggestion: Delete this response post and about 40 others which have nothing to do with the issue at hand. Do not let others take over your blog!
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6/24/2008 7:10 am |
Glad to see your responses are listed from the most recent backwards. But you may note some people bring their own issues to the table and forget what the first post was even about. They are more concerned with their own agenda than speaking to the person in front of them. You asked: Am I supposed to put my life on hold until the "papers are signed"? Not just yes, but hell yes! Your kids come first. By your own words you are not ready for another relationship. Most counseling books concur that it takes 2 tears to get over a serious relationship marriage, or otherwise. Everyone tells themselves they can get over things quicker than others. That they are ready. Look at your own words again. "it did not happen over night, actually it did not happen at all." "I ran into a man and we got pretty serious pretty fast." When we try to force things too quick, they never comeout right. I 'run into' a lot of people at Wal-Mart, but we don't get involved. Take responsibility! Do you know what happens to butterflies or cicadas when they come out of the shell prematurely? The thing is, you are involving your kids with each decision. "My new man is everything I ever wanted... now he feels like the failure." You contradict yourself. You seem to realize his justification of God sending him ot you is some ploy of desperation, and you do NOT respect him for that. Time to get real! "I honestly do not have one reason to let him go... I cant continue to do this to my kids. It is selfish but I am so confused." Reason numbers one and two: YOUR KIDS! Reason number threee: YOU ARE NOT READY! Your thinking will never clear until you get through the selfish part. Better for children to have one parent who is actually present than two who are too busy trying to figure out their own messed up relationship. I have a hunch my delivery may not be best, but I would rather overstate the danger than to softsell it. Too much is at stake. And you do not need coddling right now. I liked the advice looking4aknight, busykydad, fieldlillies and NJbeliever offered. Forget what you may see as a wagging finger and try to see it more as a finger pointing in the right direction... Get a book. See a counselor ifnecessary, but don't go shopping on an empty stomache. That is what you are doing right now. Love your kids and let them love you back. Then, AFTER SOME TIME, when you have a better sense of where you are, you can look for someone else... or not. Get your life balanced with God and your kids, and what is right will come. Bypass this step and that cake in your Little Susie Homemaker oven will turn in your stomache and make you and yours sick for an immeasurably long time. Perhaps an entire lifetime. God bless!
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6/24/2008 6:14 am |
you two have to agree to disagree and stop arguing its pointless...do you two both beleive inJesus...yes ...so just agree to disagree....ok...it pains me that you two are arguing...try to find good in each other pleeez? God Bless
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6/23/2008 8:51 pm |
i hope an dpray you take my advice my birth name peaks for itself...so pleez take the advice...satan does disguise himself ias an angel of light sat times....so pleez take a break from men ok????pleeez focus on God and your kids...pleez get some counciling honey ok??? you and your little ones need love and supprot now and a heavy dose of healing. you need to work on boundaries...you got boundary issues sweety....so get some help and dont be afraid to admit when you sin...we all have....everyone has fallen short...everyone..its just a matter of really wanting to change and askin for forgiveness. i know you have learned some hard lessons in life thru this. please just rest in God with no man at your side save Jesus who will be with you always! God Bless
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Still getting responses!!! This is great!!! And yes I guess I did stir the pot a little with my first blog, but I was just seeking wisdom and I got a lot!!!! Thank you so much for the support. I hope to meet you all one day. p.s I posted another blog!!!! lol
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Gordy you are an idiot. There is no sense in trying to deal with pathetic people. You are a disgrace as a supposed human being. I hope you get saved some day. Its a shame so many people do not get the simplicity of it all.
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6/23/2008 6:19 pm |
I am so glad you said that!! It's the first thing that jumped out in my mind. The prodigal son wanted to be in the trough with pigs and took himself out of it. His repentance and seeking of foregiveness led to his welcome home. Another reason why studying the Bible is so important. God bless.
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Thanks Tropical Man!!! I think you rock and I am so glad I was led to this site. Lord knows I need wisdom and who better to get it from than ones that have been here longer than me. I will soak it all up. I am thirsty and I am spiritualy hungry. I do not know as much as some but I have a lot of pages that still need to be filled and I could not think of a better way. Dont worry TM Gordy did not make me feel at all threatened or regretful, just another on my prayer list tonight thats all. I will continue to blog. Maybe I will be as smart as him one day but for now I am not ashamed to admit that I have lots of room to grow and thats why Im here. MUAH!
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Know the Truth Christianity, the New Covenant of Grace did not begin until Christ actually gives atonement. The was prophesied to die in the New Cov. It is replaced by moral law written on believers heart. Why? The law never brought life. Life is found in God's grace. Hebrews 8:13 calls it defunct and dead. The law was never given to the gentiles to begin with. 1 Tim 1:9 walk in Grace Jessie
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