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Past failures and mistakes........ Hello everyone at bigchurch. I have just finished reading another really good book written by Terri Blackstock. She is one of my favorite authors. Her stories are inspirational and show fiction characters dealing with many feelings or situations that common everyday people feel or face. I just wanted to copy her Afterword in her most recent book Breaker's Reef to share with everyone here. "I wish I were the kind of person who had lived life according to God's best plan for me, but my free will got in the way so many times, leaving me with a series of regrets that rear their ugly heads with hair-trigger consistency. I read the words that Paul wrote in Philippians 3:13-14, 'but one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus.' And yet, I find myself constantly looking in my rearview mirror, wondering how different things would be if I had. I judge the paths I took and the decisions I made with the critical eye of a prosecutor determined to win the case, indicting myself, convicting, and executing all at once. I run through my parenting mistakes with the skill of a DA. I was too lenient, too strict; spoiled them too much, deprived them of what they needed; I was naive, I was suspicious, I let them have too much freedom, I didn't give them enough. And then there's my divorce, and my writing, and the people I've offended or hurt, or those I failed to validate or acknowledge......... I wake up nights and file through these things in my mind, asking God how He could ever forgive me for any of them, when compared to so many good people I know, I'm such a wretch. How can God use a loser like me? How can he count on my lazy, slow-learning spirit? My friend Nell has the same thoughts late at night when she lies awake on the six-inch mattress provided by the county's Department of Corrections. She's been in jail on drug charges for 14 years, since her were small. They've grown up without their mother. If anyone has a right to regrets, she does. She looks 13 months ahead, to the date of her release, and knows that she won't be able to step right back into her family and her life. She can't get back the years her drug abuse cost her. But during the time that she's been imprisoned, she's learned of Christ's forgiveness and has been discipled and mentored by people who love her because Christ loves her. Her faith has had time to grow deep roots, and she's become something of a missionary among her cell mates. She looks back on the last 14 years and thanks God for all the suffering and the lessons she's learned, for it's given her a new life and transformed her into a new person. Instead of throwing up her hands as her have grown up without her, she prays earnestly for them and shares Scripture with them on the phone. During occasional visits, she talks to them of the things the Lord is doing in her life. She looks forward to the day when her sons will marry and have of their own. 'I didn't get to raise my boys, she says, but I'll be the best grandmother you've ever seen!' Nell has learned the lessons of pressing on and not looking back. She's a poignant example for me. The apostle Peter learned this lesson too. After the Passover meal that we often call Christ's Last supper, Jesus looked at Peter. 'Simon, Simon, he said, behold, Satan has demanded permission to sift you like wheat; but I have prayed for you, that your faith may not fail; and you, when once you have turned again, strengthen your brothers' (Luke 22:31-32 NAS. Peter didn't know that in just a few hours, he would betray Christ 3 times. But Jesus knew. And don't you know that Jesus' words played through his mind over and over for the rest of his life? Jesus had told him---before the betrayal---that he would mess up, but when he repented, it would be time to move on and fulfill his calling. Jesus didn't say, 'Peter, you are going to really blow it a few hours from now. Your'e going to turn tail and run, and then your'e going to lie through your teeth about even knowing me. And it's a shame, because you had a lot of potential, but you'll be of no use to me then.' Instead, He anticipated Peter's sincere repentance and reminded him that his calling would still be there when he came back. And for 2,000 years, Peter has strengthened his brothers through his writings in the New Testament, and reminded us that you can't move forward if you're always looking back. I realize that God is in control of the universe, that the mistakes in my past, while dramatic to me, did not ruin God's plan beyond repair. God is sovereign, and His plans cannot be thwarted by someone like me. He can fill in the blanks of my mistakes, teaching my what I failed to teach, restoring what I destroyed, rebuilding what I tore down, redeeming what I sold away. And He tells me to stop looking back, to press on toward the prize.....He knew my mistakes before I ever made them, yet He still planned to use me anyway. He didn't see me as the Great Loser, but as someone uniquely gifted with something to be used in His kingdom work. Where I see myself as a disappointment, He sees me as an asset. He already knows the fruit I will bear for Him, and my future is on His mind so much more than my past. If He can see me that way, why wouldn't I want to press on toward that goal, and wave goodbye to my fragmented, imperfect past? The future is so much brighter in Christ, and I have so many sisters and brothers who need strengthening. Thank you, Lord, for seeing my potential instead of my past." 
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6/21/2005 8:17 pm |
PRAISE GOD FOR POTENTIAL Yes Angel, your words ministered to me, a mature woman who should know better...we know what to do, then we do not do it...WHY???QUOTING YOU "I find myself constantly looking in my rearview mirror, wondering how different things would be if I had." If only I would have managed the money God allowed into my life. If only I would have got a degree in something. If only I would have consulted with God before I took that job. If only I would have STOPPED, TRUSTED, LOOKED to God before....... If only I would have said NO to my appetite and been content with.... Thanks for your post  Barbara
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6/22/2005 12:05 pm |
thank you for sharing this,it is very was interestng and good good
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10/23/2005 9:26 pm |
hello, good day to u over there? hope u are having a nice time with yourself, well am prince patrick by name, 55yrs old, am from uk, am a widower. i will like u to mail me privately at BigChurch bcos am not a regular subscriber in this place. hope to hear from u as soon as possible. stay kool & bye.
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