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Unworthy of love, unworthy of respect............. Hello bloggers, I just thought I'd paste an e-mail I received from a friend of mine................his esteem is so low, he doesn't feel worthy to find that one true love. I was just wondering if everyone can please pray for him, as he is struggling right now--he truly needs a different way of thinking as he is super-negative. Thank you. Quote: "My whole live I have lived, looking for the better things in life. Born into poverty, and then homeless at age 2, I learned a lot about life, and more importantly people. Now, at 33 years old, after living through all the crap that has happened in my life, I realized a few things. One of those things? I am not worthy of love. Throughout my years, I've tried over and over again to be a normal person. A normal person with a family, that was raised right, and then eventually having my own wife and family. I have tried with many people, and seriously failed. My whole life I have blamed others for the break-ups and the hurts and the pains. Only recently have I learned this fact. I am the problem, and I am unworthy. You would think I would've learned this when my own mother tried to kill me at age 12, as well as herself. You would think that I would have learned this when I went through high school, not being in the popular crowd, but being even an outcast to the outcasts. You would think I would have learned when I was accused of in 12th grade by someone who I never touched ever except for a hug because her father gave her a black eye and told her to lie because he didn't like that I came over. You would think that with all the beatings given to me by my parents, my brother, and finally myself, that I would have realized it by now. It has been my entire fault. I could have left, and could have made a decision that I didn't deserve all this, and disappeared. But, the side of me that knows right from wrong couldn't do that. I took care of the father who beat me for minor or no reason until he died, making sure he was comfortable, no matter what it might have messed up in my life. I took care of my mother when she was dealing with her lung cancer, taking care of her no matter the fact that she tried to kill me, and possibly as a molested me(As I have dreams from back then that I'm not sure are real incidents or were dreams of her holding me down with her on top of me.) I showed love, and respect even when I didn't get it back. I moved on in my life looking for love, and not finding it. A person in high school once said to me that maybe I should turn gay as no girl is ever going to want me. I tried working to make a difference in the world, and tried to get love by being a person who honestly care for some of the dry bones of society(Read Ezekiel 37) and bring back life to them, in hopes that those people who show me love in a non-sexual way. I just wanted to be important to someone. I found many different girls, all with their own issues. These issues caused my issues of depression, and sadness to continue, until I was told that they would fall out of love with me. So here I am, with nothing to show for myself, but 33 years of heartache, pain, and non-acceptance in the normal world. I have given up on ever having the dreams that all men want, a wife and family. The problem isn't that I can't love. The issue is that I don't deserve love so there is nothing for people to love about me. No matter how nice I am, or how kind or giving I am, it isn't going to change the fact that I am unlovable. Now don't get me wrong, I know God loves me(Sometimes I doubt this since I have had a rough life) but what I am talking about is love between people. That, in my life doesn't exist, and most likely won't ever. I need to accept the facts, the truth, and realize that I will be alone for a very long, long time. Unworthy of love, and Unworthy of respect. |
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8/24/2008 1:17 am |
I don't have a plaque on the wall but your friend has to first realize that Jesus loved him enough to die for him and STILL does! Secondly he has to let the past be just that, the past. When I struggle I say "Take it God, I can't handle it!" And He DOES! I hope I was of some assistance. I am sending the Holy Spirit to your friend. May he bask in the Son shine of Christ's love.
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Dear Doree, I have a very powerful prescription for you from Dr. Jesus; Take Hebrews 13:15 three times daily before meals Take 1 Thessalonians 5:16-18 on an empty stomach before breakfast and before sleep daily. You'll be feeling much better in no time! GBU!
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Half a Boy/Half a Man? Some women like us that way. 
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