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From Darkness to Light - From Death to Life… It happened in Romania, in a pleasant and intimate small house. Our grandparents lived next door. Our home was warm and friendly, filled with the peace that can only come from Jesus Christ. We had many flowers in front of our house, a rocking chair, and lots of puppies and kittens. This was the universe of my childhood. It was so beautiful, but soon, the destiny of our family was to change. During the winter of 1984, I was four years old. Even though I was too young to understand many things, I remember feeling that the atmosphere in our home was becoming more and more tense and unwelcoming. Soon enough, it finally happened. It was really cold the day my mother left us. As the days passed, I could see that my father was becoming more and more sad and miserable; he was always worried and permanently absorbed by his own thoughts. The days passed by and my brother, who was two years older than me, and I were beginning to feel the absence of our mother. When we would ask my father he would tell us that “One day she would come back!” My mother did come back a few months after she had disappeared. She was ill, and exhausted by the life of sin that she had been living away from her home. My dad welcomed her back and was ready to forgive her and love her again. Unfortunately my mother left again, and again, and the last time she never came back. The emptiness of my heart was getting larger and larger, and my soul was being filled with darkness, pain, suffering, and a terrible storm. I would spend my days watching out the window and thinking only of my mother. I was expecting her patiently even though she would never come back. My only friends were the loneliness, the sorrow, the silence and my tears. There was a picture of my parents on the hallway of our house, hanged higher than where I could reach. They were happy in that picture. They were at their wedding, a joyful newlywed couple smiling at me from that picture. I would often stare at the picture of my mom, the mother that only remained in my dreams. Many times I would implore her to step down from the picture and to come to me, to hold me in her arms, to cuddle me, to play with me, to laugh and cry with me. Sadly I would later realize that this would never happen. She was a mere image printed on a lifeless piece of paper, a picture that could not talk and could not caress me. It seemed to me that that no one cared about me. I felt lonely, unloved, and unwanted. Slowly a lot of questions came up in my mind. I was wandering who had made the sky and the earth, the stars, the moon and the sun, the trees, the little birds I would see flying in the trees. I wanted to know who had made the rain, the thunder, the lightning, darkness, light and snow. In the evenings, after coming home from work exhausted and hungry, my dad would answer some of questions by telling me that “if there’s not something, there is something else.” He would talk to me about many things, but I was not happy. I felt like there had to be more, but what? My grandparents were Christians, and they were hosting church services in their home. People would gather to sing and pray, and I would hear the name of Jesus many times, but I did not know anything about Him. One day, my grandmother, who had been looking after my brother and I ever since my mother left, became very ill. She was bedridden and felt her days were fading away when she called us by her bedside. She wanted to say farewell and entrusted us into our grandfather’s care. Within a short period of time, she passed away and never had the chance to tell me more about Jesus. My father never spoke of Him. (Later I would find out that he did not believe in the existence of God). One evening, in the summer of 1989, my dad asked us if we would like to have another mom. My brother was very happy to hear that, but I was not. Soon, our new mother arrived into our home. She brought with her five other close in age to us. Shortly after they came we began fighting with each other. Very often I would hide, at dusk, in the attic of our house and I would be very frightened. One day, during the winter of 1992, my grandfather (who was almost blind) took me to an orphanage for girls in a nearby town called Targu Bujor.. He wanted to make sure that I would be properly raised and educated. This is where I spent the next six years of my life living with other who, just like me, have never experienced the love and the warmth of a real family. The years have passed, with lots of trials in the orphanage, and the time had come for me to go to high school. I passed the entrance exam and I was transferred to Galati, to the Pedagogic High School. I was to live in the dorms there along of well-to-do families. I had a lot of freedom in high school, and there were a lot of unknowns before me in my life. My new friends invited me to a dance where I had to do whatever they were doing. I felt humiliated but still I did that because I wanted to fit in. I wanted to be accepted, I wanted to be loved, desired and happy. I would participate in different contests and I would always win. I was surrounded by “friends” back then, but every time, the morning after, I would again be alone, unloved, unfulfilled, and not understood. The same people were in my class, but there was a particular girl, who would always sit in the last row. Her name was Violeta. She was the brightest student in our class, always turning in her homework on time and studying for the tests even during recess time! She was very different then the others. One day I heard her humming a song whose words were like this: “Jesus is my Lord, he loves me, and I will never leave Him.” Hmmm… I knew that name, Jesus, but where from? I had heard that name many years before in my grandparents’ home. I decided that I must learn more about this girl, so I sat next to her at her desk. Hardly did I know that, in time, this would be the start of a new friendship that would last a lifetime! She was very happy to tell me about God and even invited me to go to church with her. I went to church and I started thinking about God more seriously. I was considering His existence and holiness. I then looked at my life and I could not find anything good in it. Everything was rotten and ruined in it. I was ashamed and afraid to look at myself. Satan started to put the thought of suicide in my mind. I decided to end my own life and to bury everything that I was, and I did it. I took a large dose of different pills with alcohol (so that I would become unconscious). Then I ran to the closest deep water source located near my grandparents’ house so I would drown myself. I was not realizing then that death would not be an end, but a beginning of an eternal life in hell or in heaven. God loved me even then, and had a different plan for my life. While I was running toward the water one of my cousins saw me. He jumped in after me and pulled me out just in time. He carried me on his shoulders to my aunt’s house and from there to the hospital where I spent a few days. Fortunately I recovered completely and there were no side effects. I was so determined however to end my life that I was looking forward to my discharge from the hospital so that I can try a different method of suicide. On April 11, 1998 I looked down at the ground I was stepping on and I said: “you are so fertile and I am so deserted. What is the purpose of my life?” I was walking down the street aimlessly and I was thinking to jump in front of a car. As I was walking I noticed on the right side of the George Cosbuc Street the “Baptist Holy Trinity Church”. I had been there before with two of my friends and classmates. I don’t know why, but I remembered that visit and decided to go see if they were there. I started walking toward the church, and as I reached the gate, a young woman saw me and invited me in. I stepped inside and found myself in the midst of a Saturday night youth meeting. They were having a bible study and prayer time. I decided to stay and listen to Pastor Ovidiu Ghita’s message even though my two friends were not there.. The words of his message were very inviting and I decided to follow his advice and return the following day. It was Sunday, April 12, 1998, when I returned to the church. I walked in and made my way toward the middle of one of the back pews. It was Palm Sunday and the message was from Luke 19:29-44. After the prayer and a few worship songs, the preacher started to speak. I felt like he was talking to me. He was saying: “Jesus cried for the city, and today He is crying for you. No matter who you are, no matter how your life is, God knows you, God loves you, and He accepts you exactly how you are. There is no sin so great that it cannot not be forgiven. So, you cannot be so sinful that you cannot be forgiven. In His love for you, He has paid the price of your sins on the cross at Calvary. He died, and then He rose again, and today He is alive! You don’t have to do anything. You must only believe and accept Him as your personal Lord and Savior.” There was a terrible storm in my life. I wanted to cry and wished my pain would be shed along with my tears, but I did not want anyone to see me. As I was thinking about all these, I remembered how one day, at school, Violeta(she's still single) had drawn on a piece of paper a heart with a door in the middle. She had also drawn a hand knocking on that door. I also remembered the verses of a poem she had written under the drawing: “Someone is knocking at your door, Open it now, don’t hesitate. Don’t let Him sadly walk away Hence never again Would His hand knock on your door!” At that very moment the preacher read the verse from Revelations 3:20: “Here I am! I stand at the door and knock. If anyone hears my voice and opens the door, I will come in and dine with him, and he with me.” That is when I understood everything. There was no more time to waste. I knew that if I died that instant I would go to hell. I could see Jesus in my mind, sadly walking away from me, perhaps forever. I didn’t know how to pray, but when the prayers began, I started to cry and I said: “Jesus, please, do not leave. Forgive me. I will open the door of my heart for you… Please come and live in it as my Lord and Savior. Make me the person that You want me to be and receive me, at least on the edge of your heaven.” That moment I felt how all the troubles of my heart ended and the whole burden of my sins was lifted off my shoulders. A wonderful peace, a light and a joy that I could not describe invaded my heart. It was a joy that will never end, the joy of a person who was forgiven and accepted. From that day forward God began a process of making me holy. Slowly I surrendered to God all the areas of my life. I wanted Him to cleanse them and be their Lord. There was only one thing that I kept to myself. I was worried about how my husband would be like! As I was meditating about marriage in particular, God spoke to me through a passage of the Bible from Jeremiah 29:11, “For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.” I understood that God wanted me to submit to Him this area of my life as well, but I did not believe Him. In my mind I told Him: “Lord, that’s enough… this is too much. How will You give me a future and a hope in marriage? How can I let You give me a husband? What if you will give me an ugly and stupid man? Hmmm… no, no, this is too much, Lord.” I was reminded of some old memories and I decided to go back to the club and see my old friends. I thought I’d find my prince charming among them. On March 7, 1999, I asked God in my prayers about this: “Should I go, or not to the club?” I opened my Bible, read a message from Amos chapter 3. I understood that His response was a categorical NO. Amos chapter 3: “You only have I chosen of all the families of the earth; therefore I will punish you for all your sins. Do two walk together unless they have agreed to do so?” Even though I understood that it was speaking to me, I didn’t listen. That night, between March 7 and 8, 1999, I went to the club. This decision would cost me dearly. As soon as I arrived at the night club I felt surrounded by fierce demons ready to swallow me. I entered the club and felt God leaving me. I started crying and I asked myself: “Gina, what are you doing in this place?” I walked out, and I asked a friend to take me home. We were riding in the van with seven other young people who were very eager to party. The driver started going way too fast, and as we were coming to a bend in the road, the car starting swerving. The driver lost control and the vehicle we were in overturned four times stopping in a grapevine surrounded by concrete pillars. We were merely a few feet away from a very deep ravine. All I could say, as the van was rolling into the grapevine, was: “God, forgive me and save me!” The car was very badly damaged, but only my friend and I had to be taken to the hospital. While in the hospital, God spoke to my heart and said: “Gina, look where how your steps have taken you away from Me.You almost died, and could have spent all of eternity in hell without Me. I love you so much and I have such a wonderful plan for your life! You want to get away from Me? Allow me to give you a husband.” I felt so sorry for the mistake I had made and because I refused too surrender completely to God. I asked for forgiveness. I wept, and I admitted that I was a fool. On that stretcher, in the hospital I capitulated, I decided to give myself entirely to God, and to allow Him to be the leader of my life. The next day, our accident was in the news and everybody said it was a miracle that we had survived. On October 3, 1999 I was baptized and I publicly confessed that the God who had saved my life was my Lord and Savior. On July 18, 2001 He brought into my life, from the other end of the world, from California, the most special and precious man that ever existed in this universe, my husband. On Octomber 12, 2002 this wonderful man kneeled before me and asked me to be with him forever, for better and for worse. I happily gave him my hand and we were united in the love for one another that God had put into our hearts. On October 30, 2002 we were officially married before witnesses and the peace officer, and on November 2nd, 2002, the same church that hosted my conversion, was the place where we were blessed as husband and wife, before our Heavenly Daddy, and a host of seen and unseen witnesses. Since then, I have been letting God reign and lead our lives, and today I can say: “It is all so beautiful! I am happy, I am glad that I am alive and I live a special life. I live a plentiful life. I love and I am loved.” We live happily with our 3 in Arizona. Every day we discover more and more the beauty of our walk with God. I have chosen Him, and today I can tell everyone that this is and has been the best choice of my life! I will never regret it. On December 6, 2002, my mother passed away. She was only 44 years old. Even though she had realized before she died that she was ruined by her sins, she had decided to spend her eternity in hell, far away from God. My father had denied the existence of God his entire life, but now, after very honest meditations, he told us that he believes and he is afraid of God. Even more than that, he has decided to find God. What do you decide? 
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thanks for sharing and welcome to the land of blogs, cheers May the Lord bless you and keep you
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