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Commitment and Covenant: For Men (Part 11 and 12 ) This is Part 11-12 of 16 parts. If just starting, I highly encourage going to Part 1 and reading 2-3 parts per sitting in order as they were written because many things in here are building upon things taught earlier. Thanks - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Part 11  We continue today with the last part of verse 14 in Song of Solomon, and this is a sort of continuation of point number 2, he says, “ let me hear your voice; for your voice is sweet, and your face is lovely.” He pursues understanding. He wants to pursue understanding her. Let me say this real quickly, and ladies you have to give men a pass on this. Men we will never fully understand a woman. That does not mean we cannot be understanding of a woman. We will never understand, but we can still be UN-DER-STAND-ING. Here’s how that happens and this in mainly talking about communication. Men, when we talk, when we have a conversation, we talk to get to the point, to get a conclusion, and to do something. Lights, camera, action, ok. Boom; let’s get something done, lets do it. Women talk to process their feelings, to process their thoughts they have. When men speak, we sort of have already thought about what we are speaking about. When women speak, it’s thought, word, thought, word, thought, word it just flows because they are processing that. And men, we get all confused and we get all bent out of shape with that and we are not sure how to do that and it is weird for us. Because this is what happens, your wife or girlfriend comes up to you and says, “Hey I want to talk.” All right, we spring into action. And you say, “OK WHAT ABOUT.” Because you are all ready to conquer, solve and achieve right, you know, do the men, men, men thing. And she says, “I don’t know, just talk.” Ut ohh, Again, that is so different. We don’t know what to do. But we need to talk and pursue understanding. Because when women do that, when women want to talk, that is a huge compliment to you men. That is saying, "Hey, I want to release these thoughts I am feeling; these thoughts of what I am feeling and what I am undergoing in my heart; I want to get that out there with you. And I need you to understand it." It is a compliment. Here’s how you do this guys. And this is so simple. Notice what he said, “Your voice is sweet.” He listened. Your ears, that’s the organ that you pursue understanding with. You listen, you understand, you hear her. And here’s the deal, a lot of mean are freaked out by long conversations. She’ll carry the conversation, if we will just listen. So here is my advice to you guys when your wife comes up to you and says this, “Hey I need to talk.” Here’s what you do, you ask two questions, first thing you ask is, “ am I in trouble”. Don’t laugh girls because, now listen ladies, we are clueless. So answer that question for us. We won’t know and I will explain that point in number 4. And the second question we ask because guys we will want to jump in and fix things. So the second question you ask is, “Baby, do you need me to help you come to a solution or do you just need me to listen”. Remember women, we are clueless, so don’t expect us to know. And men, the women will love this, you are showing value to them. We have to work on that just listen part, but this helps to get that clarity. Now to do this, to pursue understanding with your wife, let me say this to you men and please take heed of this. You’ve got to have scheduled, uninterrupted, intentional time with her. Men you will schedule a golf tee time, and you will schedule time to go watch the game with your buddies before you will schedule time with your wives. That’s wrong. You schedule time and you make her feel first in importance. And the goal of that time is not for you to eat, that’s secondary. It’s not for you to watch a movie. It is for you to pursue understanding. And women, some of you are unsocial, you don’t want to go out, you won’t get a babysitter, you won’t give your husband the one-on-one time to be with just you and him. You give him that unconditional respect to allow him to give you that unconditional love, it is a cycle, remember. If he is willing to pursue, please don’t take that away from him. Jesus said to the church, Matthew 11:28 “Come to me, all you who that are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest … for your souls.” Can your wife, can your girlfriend come to you and find that kind of rest? Verse 15, Solomon continues and says this, “Catch for us the foxes, the little foxes that ruin the vineyards, our vineyards that are in bloom. ” Now here is what he is saying. We are going to have conflict, and foxes represent conflict, they are planting a vineyard, that is what a relationship is like. Planting a garden. And our garden is in bloom. Our garden is doing great. Our garden is rocking but we are going to have conflict, we are going to have tension and we got to catch the things that threaten our garden. We got to catch and deal with the things that threaten our marriage. We don’t come up with a coping mechanism; we don’t ignore it, WE HAVE TO DEAL WITH CONFLICT. This is what Solomon realizes and ooo us men have to do so much better with. HE IS A PEACEMAKER. He pursues conflict resolution. He is a peacemaker because understand this, the Bible says in 1 Corinthians 7. Marriage will have trouble. Ok, we are different! We have different needs, we are different, male and female, and we are also both sinners! So we will have conflict! MEN, women do not hold this over your husbands or your man what I am about to say, ok, you do not repeat this that I am about to say. MEN, IT IS OUR JOB TO PROTECT, KEEP AND RESTORE THE PEACE, IT IS OUR JOB, not hers. Let me tell you how. Women will see the loose connection before men will. We will feel everything is fine, then she says, “I just don’t feel as close to you as I use to”. And we are like, “WHAT’S WRONG, WHAT DO YOU MEAN.” Pay attention, we have got to pay attention to them because women have that radar. And God gave that to them so that we would stay connected and get the foxes before they get to the vineyard. So we have to pursue peacemaking. And she’ll want to work it out sooner than later. To men we will say no big deal. And we are just not wired that way. When men conflict with men, very rarely do we apologize. Very rarely do we sit down and work out our feelings. When men have a disagreement with another man, we get mad and then the next thing you know we say hey, lets go watch some TV or lets go play some golf and that means it is over. With a woman, she won’t drop it. She will want to deal with it, that’s Godly, that’s biblical because God never intended for conflict just to fester and become bitterness and become this hard heartedness. God wants conflict dealt with as soon as we know there is conflict. Whether the man sees it first or most likely the woman, we have got to come out and pursue peace. Make peace with her and pursue this peacefulness with her. Women will want to do this. Here is how you do this men, 3 words, “I AM SORRY.” I am sorry, I am sorry. Men you might say, “What if she is the one…” No, no, no. “Well what if she…” No, no, no. Unconditional!!! “I am sorry” Because we are so clueless, we ought to say I am sorry at least once a day, even if we have no idea what we are sorry about. Now, before you guys turn and get away from me, let me sort of explain this. The reason this is so hard for men is because for us to say I am sorry, we think that is a sign or a loss of respect. Remember men, we want respect, and so for us to apologize, we fear a loss of respect. When you say you are sorry to a woman, she sees it as an increase in love. You see, this is so cool; women are wired for equality, they want people to feel equal. She doesn’t want you sitting over there beating yourself up saying, “I was so bad and I am so sorry.” Here is most likely what will happen, her heart will melt when you say you are sorry and she’s going to meet you half way or meet you more than halfway. And she will say, “You know what, I messed up too in that conversation. I’m to blame too. And I need to apologize to you too.” You have to understand her fear is that this conflict is going to erode her first in importance stature. This conflict makes her feel under appreciated. She is just scared to come out, so men you come in and you initiate, you be the PEACE–MAKER! I sometimes can’t understand why in the body of Christ we are not just more open, God made us, God loves us; God gave us all this stuff. We are just trying to figure it out in a fallen world. We just have to make the peace. Here’s the deal, Jesus Christ died to make peace between God and us. And he had done nothing wrong. Be a peacemaker. Part 12 Last thing, she finally responds to all this that Solomon has been talking about. Verse 16, here is what she says, “My lover is mine and I am his” My lover is mine and I am his. Last thing men, she wants to be one. And Solomon was truly one with her. She wants to be one and he is truly one and truly connected with her. “For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and cleave” that word means to unite, hold tight to, be welded to, “so that the two shall become one flesh.” She wants to be one, men here’s where we fear this because we want to be independent and we don’t want our buddies calling us hen-pecked, ball and chain or whipped. She doesn’t want to control you although we interpret it sometimes as if she wants to control us; she wants to connect with you. She wants to be involved not independent of. She wants to be one; she was created for that purpose. It is not good for man to be alone. So here’s the practical, every day, men and women, everyday, you need that reconnect time, where you become one. Everyday let me say it one more time, EVERYDAY. And this may mean you got to hire a babysitter. Better to hire a babysitter than a divorce attorney. This may mean you have to say to the , for 10 minutes, Mom and Dad are talking. This may mean you have to say to your buddies, that tonight is the night for my bride. But you have to reconnect daily whether it is 10 minutes, 15 minutes, and every now and again it needs to be obviously longer. And you have to set a positive tone with that. Men don’t just walk into the house, flop on the couch and say, “Hey baby, how was your day?” Connect with her, don’t communicate with uninvolved behavior and find out where her heart is. Because over the course of the day, remember, men we are compartmentalized where we can shut it off and turn it back on, she cannot as well. Find out where her heart is and connect with her right there. A good way to do this is holding hands and hugging and what I call nonsexual touching. If the only time we get affectionate with our wives is when we want an intimate connection; that is wrong. It makes her feel devalued and under appreciated. Affection is an end, not a means to an end, men. She wants to feel one with you and you have got to have that reconnect time everyday. Men to sort of to summarize this, I want to say this statement. It can be like a sign on the wall we should never forget. You made or you will make a promise that she is or will be your priority next to Christ. And priorities by definition are pursued with passion. We should just remember that everyday. Can I do something to communicate passion? And guys, if you are single, don’t get into a relationship unless you are ready to make that kind of promise. And if after 4 to 5 dates you don’t think you can continue that, don’t just keep her so you have someone to go out with every once in a while when you want to. Don’t string her along. If you can’t make that promise and you will know within 4 to 5 dates if she is someone you want to continue pursuing or not. Don’t string her along. When you find someone that you can pursue passionately until death do you part, have some conversations and get ready. If you are married here today, I pray that God rekindles the passion for the bride of your youth and you pursue her today as passionately as the day before you got her hand in marriage. And you know whom we get our clue from in this? Jesus! Here is what the Bible says Jesus did in Luke 15:4, “ Suppose one of you has a hundred sheep and loses one of them. Does he not leave the ninety-nine in the open country and go after the lost sheep until he finds it?” Here’s what this means. Jesus passionately pursues us before salvation and after salvation. Jesus is passionate about pursuing his people. Men we got to be passionate about pursuing and appreciating the women in our lives. Marriage is everyday, every hour, and every minute. So the women in our lives can say I am a lily of the valley. Christianity for Dummies Chapter 4 Go to Church Christianity for Dummies Chapter 3 Sin and Repentence Christianity for Dummies Chapter 2 Salvation Christianity for Dummies Prologue and Chapter 1 Praying In the Heat of the Night Testimony Chapter 4 Judging and Gossiping , Commitment and Covenant For All Part 15, 16 and End Commitment and Covenant For All Part 13 and 14 , Commitment and Covenant For Men Part 11 and 12 Commitment and Covenant For Men Part 9 and 10 , Commitment and Covenant For Women Part 8 Commitment and Covenant For Women Part 7 , Commitment and Covenant For Women Part 5 6 Commitment and Covenant Relationships Part 4 , Commitment and Covenant Relationships Part 3 Commitment and Covenant Relationships Part 1 2 , Walk the Walk Self Esteemand the 8Cow Wife , I am a Christianx2026So What Now Communicating According to the Scriptures , Friend vs Spouse Christ in the cells of our body , The LoveHate list |
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6/11/2008 6:31 pm |
Great posts. You're nailing it GBU, Gary Eph 2:10 We are his workmanship (poiema, or poem, or work of art) created in Christ Jesus. God is an artist and you are His masterpiece!
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