Reset Password
Reset Link Sent
| Blogs > deepestfaith > Mesianic Viewpoints |
|
Friend vs. Spouse One day I heard a saying that has stuck with me for many years. It was in regard to the question, What is a FRIEND? The answer had a rhythmic bounce to it. A friend is a person who knows ALL that is GOOD about you, and ALL that is BAD about you, BUT still loves you. Doesn’t this sound like what a spouse should be too? Several years later, I contemplated why so many people got divorced. Divorces were high regardless if people were Christians or not. I walked into a Bible bookstore in the summer of 1993. They had 12 books on marriage recovery. This was about a quarter of a shelf. Next to it they had 7 shelves on divorce recovery. I am not sure what it is today but would not be surprised if this anomaly still prevailed. I realized (light bulb went on) that a lot of married people I knew who were having problems, were NOT friends!! -------------------------------------------------------------- Let’s look deeper into what a friend is. A friend is someone you respect. Once again, regardless that you know ALL that is good and bad about them you are able to respect them. How can that be if a person is the scoundrel of the earth, that someone can be his or her friend. It is because friendship is not decided by what a person is or isn’t, but by the interactions that person has with you. Think of it as an EMOTIONAL BANK. Every time a person does something with another, a deposit (if good) or a withdrawal (if bad) is made. If there are more deposits than withdrawals, then you have a plus balance and a friend. If there are more withdrawals than deposits, then you have a deficit and are overdrawn, and possibly an enemy. -------------------------------------------------------------- So here I was with two golden theories or laws of relationships. The realization of them is: Good or bad, we are willing to love a friend. We respect them, but our spouse is not afforded the same grace as a friend gets. How often have we said or heard people say, I couldn’t date them, they are my friend. Deductive reasoning or common sense tells us that is the one reason why two should date. More times than I want to remember, I’ve heard someone say: I wish my husband/wife was more of a friend to me. My response is, Why don’t you become more of a friend to your spouse? Wouldn’t a person want the one they vow to love and honor, to death do us part, to be their best friend with whom they can talk about anything? How many times have we all heard that lack of communication hurts a relationship? We can talk about anything with a friend, so by not dating a friend it is no wonder lack of communication exists. In conclusion, all this leads to a simple final observation which is…. LET’S DATE AND MARRY A FRIEND AND STOMP OUT DIVORCE.  Thank you Beth747 for your feedback while writing this and your excellent editing help. Blessings, Michael Christianity for Dummies Chapter 4 Go to Church Christianity for Dummies Chapter 3 Sin and Repentence Christianity for Dummies Chapter 2 Salvation Christianity for Dummies Prologue and Chapter 1 Praying In the Heat of the Night Testimony Chapter 4 Judging and Gossiping , Commitment and Covenant For All Part 15, 16 and End Commitment and Covenant For All Part 13 and 14 , Commitment and Covenant For Men Part 11 and 12 Commitment and Covenant For Men Part 9 and 10 , Commitment and Covenant For Women Part 8 Commitment and Covenant For Women Part 7 , Commitment and Covenant For Women Part 5 6 Commitment and Covenant Relationships Part 4 , Commitment and Covenant Relationships Part 3 Commitment and Covenant Relationships Part 1 2 , Walk the Walk Self Esteemand the 8Cow Wife , I am a Christianx2026So What Now Communicating According to the Scriptures , Friend vs Spouse Christ in the cells of our body , The LoveHate list |
||||
1/11/2010 1:12 pm |
Right on folks--Start with friendship(Long before marrage!Good friends don't DEMAND that the other be "PERFECT" & are accepting of (what they percieve) to be Flaws or excentricities & want to learn & understand!We can't even love our nieghbours if we don't learn about them& understand& accept how they are differant than us! The only differance might be about dating! (Most of the time) Folks when they start dating are not frinds-Dating gives them a chance to discover if they might become friends or more! Cuckhold Don
| |||
5/13/2008 6:16 am |
Yep, a person will marry a complete stranger if they are not friends first. Good blog Michael. Thanks, and blessings, Robin   "Love is Patient..."
| |||
4/25/2008 3:10 am |
although Michael, I remember I had this guy friend who told me he had gotten a divorce from this woman who was his best friend. He kept saying that having been best friends kind of ruined the romance aspect of things. Ti:2:14: Who gave himself for us, that he might redeem us from all iniquity
| |||
4/25/2008 3:08 am |
Hi Michael, Hey thats a great blog youve done here! I agree that couples must be friends, like a foundation of the marriage. Accepting each other with faults and all. I think of Jesus as my Best Friend who REALLY knows me and loves me nevertheless and will never leave me. And so if marriage is supposed to be like the relationship of Jesus with the Church then it would "HAVE to be right that man and wife be friends with one another and love each other no matter what. Now that I think about it, Jesus said something about not getting a divorce and that God does allow it in some cases but thats was only because of our hardness of heart. To me thats saying if we had a heart like God, as we are told we are supposed to have then we would be faithful and loyal friends to our partner, come what may. "Do unto others as you would have them do unto you" so if we would want someone to be our best friend then we ought to be that for them as well. Now Im thinking of that Bible verse that says Prov:18:24: "A man that hath friends must shew himself friendly: and there is a friend that sticketh closer than a brother." and so if we view our husband or wife as not being a friend to us the thing to do is start by being a friend to them. Great post there, Brother!  Ti:2:14: Who gave himself for us, that he might redeem us from all iniquity
| |||
4/24/2008 6:17 pm |
I was amazed that finally someone feels the same way I do about dating a friend. I have an 18 year old daughter and I have tried to convince her that she needs to be friends with someone before she ever decides to date them or even consider thinking about marrying them. I hope and pray that she is listening to me, and following the prompting of the Holy Spirit. I enjoyed reading the blog that you posted and I totally agree with you. Your Sister in Christ, Rebecca
| |||
|
Excellent post. Thank you..it filled my soul this morning to read this.
| |||
4/24/2008 2:03 am |
Hi Deepest, What a good post.I agree.If you aren`t friends with your partner it isn`t gonna work no matter what you do.I feel it`s very important. GOD BLESS, Wendy  Show me the way Sweet JESUS. Lead and i Will follow.   
| |||
4/23/2008 10:12 pm |
I really enjoyed your post! My husband and I started out the opposite way. We weren't friends when we got married because we didn't truly know each other. I am very grateful though that I can now say he is my best friend. It definitely makes life alot more difficult when you have to become someone's friend after the fact. I had a discussion with a friend a few months ago where she said her husband treated his friends better than her. I think she would benefit from reading this. Thank you!
|
|
